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- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 17, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: .
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I'm so pathetic.
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I'm so stupid and ugly and I hate it. I'm never going to get better because I'm too stuck in my own ways.
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Oh no no no no no no no
This can't happen.
She'll get so angry he doesn't understand. I might actually cry he can't ruin this for me -
I'm not even supposed to be talking to him
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I'm going to get into so much trouble Oh my god
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My mom is going to kill me
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Bro I'm just gonna end up like my parents at this point. I just want to give up and be a selfish a--hole addict and maybe one day I'll over do it and f---in die
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Like seriously this life s--- ain't it
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Well, here I am again. Stuck in my bad habits that I don't think will ever change
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I'm never going to get better this way. But it's all I know how to do. I live in a fantasy half of the time because living there is much easier.
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And on the other half of the time I'm dissociated. And when I find a time where I think I have nothing to do, I trigger bad feelings.
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And then I sit and wonder why I'm so f---ing sad, when I know the answer. It's because of me. It's my fault I'm this way. I sit on my ass and do nothing all day and wonder why I don't have a purpose.
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I'm so sick of being this way but it's all I know how to do. It's like I'm incapable of functioning like a normal human being. And everyone is always like "you can do it" but I really don't think I can because I'm the type of person who never solves anything and allows s--- to happen.
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I'm not a fighter. I have no fight in me whatsoever. I'm a quitter, I'm someone who will just let it all stay the same when I want change. And even worse, I can't even let s--- go. I hold on to everything. And it's like why??? Who designed it so that I could be both a quitter and someone who doesn't let it go? Shouldn't a quitter be able to let it go??
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Why can't I be at least functioning? Why do I have to be a f---in couch potato? I have so much high standards for myself I'd rather just get s--- done. But I can't get s--- done. Because instead of actually doing anything I let myself wallow in all of these feelings.
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