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- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 17, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: .
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I've been given great advice and things to help, I just don't listen. So I deserve to be this miserable. It seems people see me as the girl who tries to be better, but just can't get better. But I'm a deceiver, because in reality, I could get better. I just choose not to.
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I don't really deserve to vent, but I always seem to take things I don't deserve. So here I am. I'm so needy. Sometimes I wonder if I do this for attention. I mean, I am quite the attention seeker. Not that it's working if thats the case.
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If I were really trying to get better, I would request to lock this thread to prevent me from doing this. But I'm not going to, and I'm going to continue to dig my own grave.
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God I hate how needy I am. This is why no one wants to be friends with me. They'd have to deal with this bulls--- every day if I let them in.
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I'm like a little child throwing a tantrum when things go wrong. This is like my own personal pity party and it's really f---ing pathetic.
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Why do I have to be this way?
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Like everything always feels like a cry for help but because I'm too much of a coward to ask for help I say it in ways that are beating around the bush
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But I need to be blunt. I need help, and I need it now. I was going to go to a partial program but I haven't even been evaluated yet but I need the help now..
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Like I don't know how much longer I can wait. I seriously need help and I feel like nobody is giving it to me.
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Why do I make these choices? These horrible choices. I choose not to do anything about it. I choose to ignore advice. I choose to get worse.
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And then I have the nerve to give advice that I don't even follow. I know what I'm supposed to do, that's not the issue. The issue is doing it. So no one can help me and I've dug myself in a hole I can't get out of. But what's the point in sending in ladders and stuff when I won't use them to get out? I feel like someone else should be getting therapy instead of me. Someone who will actually put in the work.
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You'd think I would be fine by now considering how much therapy I've been through but I'm not. I'm not fine. And it sucks because my therapist is the only one I'll talk to. So besides them, I'm alone.
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Okay so we're doing this again
I like how I ask for help and then I reject anyone who tries to help me. -
It's like my body rejects help on a physical level
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I don't know how I'm going to do school. I'll probably just drop out lol
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