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- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 17, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: .
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Maybe then, I would actually do these things because I'd know they wouldn't believe me and would be forced into doing it.
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But then I have to let them know that I'm lying in order for it to work. And that scares me.
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Maybe I'll just do what I usually do and think about it but never act on it and hate myself for it.
I'll never get better anyways. -
It's not like people care about whether I get better or not. Nobody is saying "Gee, I hope Neon gets better. She's so sad." Like nobody cares that much.
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I wish there would be someone who cared, but they would be nonexistent. It would just be me pretending to be someone else to care. Because sometimes it feels good to feel cared about.
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But maybe that's what I need right now.
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I care about you more than you would know. I want you to get better for your own good. This is tiring for you, I can see that. You pretend everything's okay, but I can tell that you're in a really fragile state right now. Every day you pretend the real world doesn't exist and live in this fantasy. But your life can become better than the fantasies you have are. You just need to hold on and let people in. I understand that this seems really hard for you right now, but I can help you get through it if you let me. We're here to lift you up when you're down, but we can't do that unless you allow us to know when those moments are. We hate to see you like this. We all just want you to be yourself again. I know you'll probably read this and roll your eyes, but it's the truth. And you needed to hear it from someone, even if it's not the people you wish to hear it from. But that's all I wanted to say.
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Something like that, yes. That was really pathetic for me to do. But that's very similar to what I'd want to hear. Just once.
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I knew I'd never hear it otherwise.
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Maybe one day I'll be important enough to people
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It's that time of day again where I make myself miserable
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It's such a bad habit but nobody is telling me to stop so that means it's up to me and me alone to stop for my own sake but we all know I'm not going to do that
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I'm crazy just like my mom. Haha. What a twist that the girl who did everything to try to prevent becoming her mother ended up being exactly like her. I just present differently.
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I drove myself mad trying to avoid being like her. While on the outside we're night and day, on the inside, we're quite the same. Actually, thinking about it now, I may be worse.
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Because unlike her, I know what I'm doing and don't do anything about it. She at least tries to work on it, she just fails. I somehow surpassed her in being unstable, and she doesn't even know it. I don't think anybody really knows it.
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