butt baby
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: butt baby
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Today has been very rough. This heatwave + period is a deadly combo
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I don't even know where to begin
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A lot of feelings I havent felt in either a long time or are able to usually suppress came out
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And I appreciate my grandma trying to console me at the asscrack of dawn but I feel bad that I'm such a burden
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Hell I almost started crying because there was only one peice of bread and the ends and I wanted two peices of bread for toast.
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Like if that's not #firstworldproblems then idk
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I still can't help but feel like it's all my fault and I ruined everyone's lives
It makes me more motivated, whenever I accept it wasnt my fault I become stagnant. So I don't know what's better -
I only did well because of the blame I put on myself
I blamed myself for my parents addiction problems, I'd think I was such a bad girl, that they turned to drugs because they couldn't deal with me being so bad.
I blamed myself for my mom staying with that horrible man because I thought I was still just so bad, she'd rather be with that b------ than me.
And because of that, I felt I ruined my brothers' lives. So, i thought if I was an honor roll student, that they wouldn't have to take the things they were because I would a good child, and everything would make it a normal family.
Was it a delusion? Yes, absolutely.
Did it help me succeed? Yes.
Once I actually faced reality, and woke the f--- up, I didn't get better. I lost all my motivation and desire, and ended up plummeting into this mess. I don't know how to actually get the motivation back without putting the blame back onto me. -
And I can't even accept any damn compliments without me instinctly thinking they're a liar and are people pleasing.
I want to be able to accept the good things without getting angry at the person trying to be a genuinely good person. -
I feel better
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My tummy hurts a lot but besides that
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I miss kitty
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Ngl I dont like how my picrews came out
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I gotta make more
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👁👄👁
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