butt baby
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: butt baby
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HI PAG :)
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HI SPICE
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I'm still scared especially bc idk if everyone else is leaving and I'll be stuck here with mom
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I'm so tired
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I'll be here till Wednesday? Oof.
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I need my emergency anxiety meds but I don't have them with me and I'm breaking down
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And it's arguably worse than two days ago
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I'm so tired of being capable to think of the gray, but then constantly ignoring it and going back to black and white
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But then that changes, and while deep down I know I love my brothers, I go back and forth with "I hate everything about them" to "I love them with all my heart"
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But they both feel so genuine at the time
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Like idjsjakkwjwjakajwjwjwj
Make up your mind -
Like on the outside I'm usually pretty mellow
But I feel I'm just like my mom on the inside and sometimes it kills me because I thought I worked so hard to not to do that; but then the other side of me is like "nah we can go crazier than her let's do it" and I know from an outside perspective it's easy on which side to take but it's not that easy because sometimes being mentally ill is just easier for me -
And I'm the most indecisive person when it comes to myself and I don't know what I want even though I should want what everyone else wants
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And then I just circle back and it keeps on going and going in this cycle
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This morning I woke up from a particular nightmare that I think has been impacting me today because it was purely psychological. It was a party and R was there and her family and all I did was try to say I missed her and wanted her number so we could be friends again but she kept dodging me and I can't remember what happened after, I think I freaked out in front of everyone. Everyone started yelling at me and I didn't understand why and my grandma said that it was funny I said R lost her mind to my dad earlier, when I was the one who lost it and idk it hurt man
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