butt baby
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: butt baby
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But I can't tell where the line is and it frustrates me.
When does something everyone has become abnormal? -
For example, let's use body issues. When does that turn into something more severe? What line has to crossed to make that decision?
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Like I think there's something wrong with me, genuinely. But everyone keeps telling me I'm fine but I keep going back and forth between different mentalities.
But then idk what to do bc part of me never wants to mention it again, part of me wants to flat out lie about my symptoms and mimic some other issue so I can justify my feelings.
Because trying to be honest and trying to hint at me feeling something is wrong isn't working. But, would I even accept not being told I have another issue? Even if they did it in a way that's not "sweetie no", and actually made me feel better?
But they all see me as this person that I feel I'm not and seem to disregard that my thoughts can be a lot more aggressive and manipulative than I lead on. They just say it's me having a "distorted" view of myself, but I really do things with only me in mind, knowing what I do is hurting someone else. But they act like I'm too nice to ever intentionally do that. -
I'm starting to think that maybe I tricked them into thinking that, and that they're completely fooled. But I was like that for so long, so maybe a change in personality like this isn't something that should happen? This is definitely more a recent thing. But if I say I want to switch, theyll say it's because of what happened with my dad situation, and that I'm just holding a grudge.
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And they keep saying that "it wouldn't be the smart thing to do"
The thing with me now, is that I will only allow myself to be viewed as dumb if I think it will benefit me. -
And I don't think it will benefit me in a therapeutic setting, therefore, I feel I NEED to be seen as smart. And they seem to think I'm smart, so if I did switch, that means they'd think I'm dumb. They kinda said it in a different way.
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But the real issue I'm having with them, is that they're putting me in that "sweet sad girl, wouldn't ever mean to hurt anyone" box. I mean, I still can be that person, but the thing is, I'm no longer fully that person. I've changed a bit, and they're not noticing or downplaying it.
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Oh it is that time again bois it is time
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I can't tell what's real about me and whats fake
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And I can't really function if I'm not in some sort of dream land
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I accidentally logged out last night and was too lazy to log back in
But I'm really upset they're home because I was gonna ask for something to eat and now I can't, I was just about to ask to so now I have to wait -
I refuse to be downstairs when they're down there, and I especially refuse to ask for things when they're down there if I have to be
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Idk if it's extreme, but I will wait hours if I have to, sometimes I refuse to go out all day. Only going out to check, so I'm there less than 2 minutes.
They called me selfish and some other stuff, literally nothing else triggered this. I'm such a baby. It's been like two weeks. Maybe even more but I'm still refusing to ask for anything or go down bc I'm scared. -
Like I know I can be selfish, a lot, but this person really seems to not like me and I know if I do anything my brain will go wild and start popping off. So it's more I know my brain will start harassing me ig
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I'm finally leaving that program, but I have to do a stupid goodbye group. Its gonna trigger so much anxiety and I might cry and that's embarrassing. I'm gonna try to talk myself out of it.
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