Venting Thread
- Locked by Carri04 on Oct 29, '23 9:13pmReason: Sorry you gotta deal with this.
Thread Topic: Venting Thread
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Why does everything have to hurt so bad...? I hate emotions and this is why I fear becoming attached to people cuz Ik them being around won't last..
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Still, I don't regret meeting him though... but I miss him so much. He was the one for me. Wish I were out too honestly but I'm trying to make sure I don't do anything that he wouldn't want me too.. Plus, I've been working on creating a drawing of us in memory with all the things he said to me, along with all the memories we had, the things he liked, etc just cuz I miss him so badly and wish he were still here. But I'm at least glad I got to tell him how much I loved him for the last time. How happy he made me. And at least we got through a year together... but it still hurts
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Ik it's over and all, but I don't think I am going to like Valentines Day after this since each Valentines Day will just make me think of him.. and make me upset knowing he's gone, especially after all we've been through, but I'll be counting the days till our next anniversary, the one we both really couldn't wait for... wish I'd be spending it with you but thank you for the happiness, the love, the memories, and for fighting for me so much and loving me, my precious yellow <3
Everything meant so much to me, I hope you knew that and maybe they were right, you're just loving me in spirit and want me to find that happiness again.. but I honestly can't do this and can't keep fighting without you -
Literally looked at a Basketball and broke down crying cuz it reminded me of him..
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Haven't felt like eating since he left which Ig would be good for me, a diet of less food as my mom would probably prefer. But I did get out today, kinda helped for the time we were out but.. still...
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I honestly hate my dad so much and don't even want to see him again yet he now wants to come into my family's lives bc my siblings are over/close to over 18 and can get him all the money he wants.
But even then, he still be calling us his "babies" like what the heck, we're not little kids anymore. If you were in our lives a long time ago and paid child support then maybe you'd know that and know who we are now -
Him and mom were both on the phone yesterday too and all they did was keep putting blame on each other for things and though I now see that it's more on my dad's part, I was still stressed out cuz I hate conflict and it reminded me of how things were when I was younger...
But it's fine, my mom blocked his number and I'm going to block him from my life -
But yeah, life has just been so stressful and I can never get a break
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And I still miss him too.. he used to help with my stress so much but now he's gone and I miss him more than life. I wish he was still here cuz it just hurts to miss him this much and never see him again. All I can do now is look at things that remind me of him and break down. I even started crying when I drew that drawing of us in memory of him...but I don't regret drawing it though. Now each time I open my sketchbook, I'll see his face and think of him
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And I was feeling so good on the day I lost him before I found out... it's like whenever I'm happy, it's a sign of something bad happening afterward. That's why I'm honestly scared to be happy since it only means that the worst is coming..
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Sis be talking to me like I'm some other species just cuz I don't live where she does
Sis = not my actual sister btw -
But anyway, I'm going to be going to school in person soon and my anxiety is going to be terrible so yeah, that's fun.
Plus, I'm going to have to be at the school for longer hours, meaning I'll be there during lunch and as a diabetic, I have to take injections in order to eat so I feel that'll be a problem, especially since some areas of my body that I need to give injections are on my thighs and stomach which I can't just do in public or in the bathrooms either since it's one person at a time and I can't even throw away the n33dles anywhere publicly.
But yeah, anyway, to the problem-- I can't be taking injections on my stomach and thighs just out in the open so I'd need private space to do that. I can do it on my arm too but I have to switch the places each day, but my principal said she'd let me do it in her office as she steps out and idk, the idea of that just makes me very uncomfortable to give an injection on those places in her office... -
Not trying to make things weird but like,, I have concerns but my mom don't care and I'm afraid of people just stepping into the office or smth to look for the principle while I'm in there.
My sister said she'd probably come too tho so hopefully, things won't be too bad and I'm only overthinking things -
Bruh, it seems like my mom and sister are always arguing and I get pulled into the middle of it. This has happened to me more than once with not only them, but with other people and I hate it; I hate always being in the middle and whenever I state my opinion whenever asked, everyone claims I'm taking sides with someone when no, I'm not, I'm just saying how I feel and sure, it may be the same way someone else feels but I'm not feeling this way just cuz of them; I'm actually speaking my mind if you ask but if not, I'll keep it to myself
Often times, I try to stay out of the situation so then I can focus on myself and my mental health but them arguing is honestly affecting it and stressing me out but idk, just so much drama from these two and their the oldest women in this house. -
First it was mom and dad arguing, then mom and my brother arguing, then mom and my sister arguing, who's next??
Possibly me but I'm trying not to be someone she needs to argue with but at the same time, I often hold a lot back from other people to not hurt their feelings so one could only hold that stuff back for so long..
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