Venting Thread
- Locked by Carri04 on Oct 29, '23 9:13pmReason: Sorry you gotta deal with this.
Thread Topic: Venting Thread
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The urge to end life is strong but I'm trying to fight back the thoughts but it's difficult cuz it's a thing that I just feel I need to do
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But it's fine...
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My mind has been in dark places lately and I just want it all to stop
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I just want the pain and crying to end and I'm so tired of everything...
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The su1c1dal thoughts, negative emotions, and tears have been occurring randomly and more often during the day and I hate it so much... I just wish I were stronger. I wish I were better. I wish I could fight off these thoughts and su1c1dal urges and feel I am not possessed with going through with them with my mind repeatedly telling me to h@rm myself and my body trying to act on this urges uncontrollably. This may sound weird but I seriously don't like this at all...
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And I've been told that I am a danger to myself and I'm trying not to be but it's difficult. There have been times that I've talked myself out of harming myself but that's not all the time which makes me a little sad tbh
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My family may rehome our dog. She's getting old and we honestly don't have that much money left to use on her for things such as vet visits and honestly, my mom is just so upset with having her sometimes but that's just bc she doesn't like dogs.
Ik it's best to rehome her but it just... hurts to think about. I don't have any friends except a dog, her, and she's the only one who makes me happy on those hard days. She's been in my life ever since I was young and I do want to give her away to let her have a happier life with someone who can give her just that but it still hurts so much. I keep losing everyone and everything and the last thing I ever want to lose is my dog but at the same time, I want her to be happy. I do try to take care of her the best I can but my mom still doesn't want her anymore.
Plus, even though my dog may have more with someone else, I still feel like even she'll suffer bc she really only likes being around our family and is really attached to me and my sister. I'm not even sure who she would be going away to or if she'll 100 percent leave, but with the way my mom is talking, it's possible -
It's strange. I keep having sudden moments where I need to cry or feel sad and I'm starting to notice that it oftens happens whenever I feel happy so idk if I'm ever really going to be happy without my sudden emotions ruining the mood.
But yeah, happiness is just such a weird feeling and I honestly don't know what makes me happy anymore -
Hey. I'm really sorry you're going through all of this, and while I wish I knew a fix for it, I don't. But I want to at least let you know that you most certainly aren't alone. I've been feeling the exact same way, lately, and I've been fighting this battle for almost 8 years, now.
Even if you don't feel like you're making progress, you truly are. Even if you feel you relapse and feel worse than before for some days or several days, just the fact that you're still here says a lot about you. You are strong, and you are braver than you know to face this life even in the midst of pain. There is still hope for you. But, you're growing weary, and I understand that, as well. It may be hard for you to do so, but challenge yourself to do an activity you once loved when you get that way. I'm currently working on this. Though you'll feel like it's a waste of time and might even struggle just to start, it proves useful. If you do it long enough, you'll find some joy in it, and even if it doesn't last, just focus on the "here and now"; figure out what will make it most bearable in the moment. Don't worry about if you're not happy tomorrow or if something goes bad the next day. Just focus on the moment and take it one day at a time. If you're unable to do anything (and you're supposed to be in bed or at school, for instance), I encourage you to fantasize a bit. Think about all the things you want to do. Think about future goals you'd like to see come to pass. For me, I like to think about the day I get to own a cat, or the day I get married, or the day I get to go to a convention of some sort. Think about what you'd do to cheer your friends/family up next time you see them. Or, focus your energy on positive goals to help others in general, like fixing up a public area or teaching a friend how to dance.
These methods won't give you eternal happiness, but they should help you get through some tough days.
I truly hope you feel better, soon. Depression is no joke; it's a liar and a thief. Don't let it take your joy or your life. You're young and have a lot of years ahead of you, and I know you'll be awesome and strong person before it's all said and done. Just keep pushing. 🖤 -
I'm so so sorry for replying so late--- but thank you so much <333 My mental health hasn't been the best recently but I'm finding ways to cope and will definitely take your ideas into consideration and will create goals to keep myself busy.
Plus, I finally got a therapist which is good news. I'm still getting to know her but do want to find ways to get better cause I don't want everything to come down to me taking my life. But again, thank you. I honestly needed to hear that from someone and hopefully, I'll start to feel even better soon. Hope you're having a great day tho and are doing well -
Life's just been so difficult and I'm trying to push myself to stay alive but there's a part of me in the back of my mind planning smth that I'm telling myself I don't want.
And my morning has already started off badly with my brother annoying me, threatening to harm me for the thousandth time, my mom getting mad at me, thinking that I didn't take my insulin before eating or taking my bl--d sugar cuz my sugar is high-- which I did take but she won't believe, and now I'm remembering that I have to go to a funeral and dinner this weekend with some money-hungry family members and I'm honestly afraid to go bc the last time I was at a family funeral, everyone started fighting and my mom had decided to take me and my siblings home during it in order to avoid the craziness that was abt to unfold. But I know I have to come to this funeral bc my mom is strict on it, saying "You guys (my siblings included) go bc you represent me" as we usually do so we have to be perfect. Plus, my grandmother's sister was the one who passed so I need to be there for her, but I still don't want to meet the other family members cuz really, almost all of my family members scare me
And it's not only that but-- idk, those are my challenges for this week that I'm going to have to face. -
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Nothing to do w last post, but I just got a message from them and was so happy for a moment. I thought that they were finally back and we could talk again but then they said that they may not have access to speak to me for years and this may be the last time we ever talk... I've been waiting for so long and have been missing them so much and was happy for one moment but now I may not even talk to them again and it hurts... Definitely not their fault but it just hurts cuz I've been missing them and struggling without their presence... but I just hope they stay alive and stay strong. In the end, that's all I really care about -
I'm trying to think of a coping joke but none are coming to mind rn and comedy always helps me so I'm trying to think of smth ;-;
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I've been getting more into Origami lately. Some people I've talked to have said it was a nerd hobby but come on, just leave me in peace with my paper dog. Closest thing I'm getting to a friend anyway
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I had to do this group project in History class and... it was awkward. It was so awkward. And difficult, especially for me cuz I'm more of the independent type who likes doing things myself to just get things done, but unfortunately, in the group, we weren't able to do much and I don't have any social skills and don't talk to people often at all so that made things even more difficult
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