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- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 17, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: .
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They're never gonna accept me. And I'll be stuck living here doing nothing forever. I'd rather just give in and end it all.
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And nothing is making it better for me. Everything just keeps getting worse. I wish my family was the type to own guns and stuff. That'd make this so much easier.
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All dreams I had are shattered into a million pieces. There's nothing I want more than to die. It's the only thing I want. My funeral will be pretty small, considering I have no friends that would go.
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I wonder what they'd think when I'm gone. Would they wish they knew how to save me? Would they wish they did things to make things better for me? Or would they be angry at me?
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Nothing feels good anymore
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I hate being the classic textbook version of depression.
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There's so many of me in the world. I'm not special. I could disappear off the face of the earth and there are still millions of others to replace me. I wish I was special.
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I have no talents, no passion, nothing. I'm just depression.
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And sometimes I wish I was alone in it all. Knowing everyone else goes through this makes me feel even more pathetic. Because I'm not the worst one out there. So I don't deserve any sympathy. If I was truly alone, then maybe I would cut myself some slack. Because nobody really understands me, and that's hard. But everyone understands me, it seems. So there's no room for me to be gentle with myself.
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It's just pathetic in general. I'm a sympathy seeker. If my story isn't the most unfortunate, than it's not enough. If I'm not the worst off, than I have no right to complain. If I'm not the most mentally ill, than I'm not mentally ill at all.
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Whoops.
Anyways.
It's like my trauma just isn't enough in my mind. It's not traumatic enough because it's not what you think when you think trauma. I need to be more traumatized if I want to be worthy of being truly depressed. -
I just want it to be enough. I want to feel worthy of what I feel. And it won't be enough for me until it's enough for everyone else. Maybe that's why I should do it. I want the whole world to see that my pain is enough.
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I want the pain to be seen. I want to be seen. Nobody sees me because I don't stand out. I don't know how to stand out. I'm just so boring.
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It feels like everyone but me is unique. Everyone but me has talents. Everyone but me has a place. It's like everyone has it, but I don't.
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