Venting Thread
- Locked by Carri04 on Oct 29, '23 9:13pmReason: Sorry you gotta deal with this.
Thread Topic: Venting Thread
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I'm "loved" to a certain point before becoming unneeded. It happens over and over again but it seems like each time, losing people doesn't get any easier
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"We c-t (u) and k1ll (i) flowers cause we think they're pretty. We c-t and k1ll ourselves cause we think we're not." - Melanie Martinez
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The only reason I keep pushing myself is so then I don't disappoint people. Everyone says I won't but if they were in my place, they would see how it's not easy...and I noticed that most of the fictional characters I relate to are the saddest ones or ones with trauma so yeah, random, and yeah, life's fun
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After that. They didn't even care lol. How straight forward do I need to be. I want to be honest but not be rude at the same time but their driving me to the point that I will. I'm not a machine, I'm a human being too. Seeing me get upset or cry makes people give me weird looks like just bc I act happy doesn't mean I am. Most times I want to d1e
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People say they're there for me but when I need them most, they're never there. I'm just so replaceable, forgetful, and am a total waste of time. Stupid burden...
And people say it's all just in my head. If it is, then why am I seeing this happen every day -
1. Skip a meal
2. Forget the water
3. Avoid Social Interaction before I suddenly start crying
4. Hide somewhere to cry
5. Fake a smile
6. Go back to overworking myself
7. Try to sleep but break down and cry instead till 3 in the morning
8. Wake up to do more work
9. Die a little
10. Repeat -
Sometimes I just hate having to keep certain things in my mind to myself
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Sorry I was not in touch with you for a while! I read your posts, and you need to stop believing that stuff you say to yourself.
Also, here is what I do.
1. Wake up
2. Get dressed and hurrying to get ready for school.
3. Have my mom yell at me for all the things she says that I do wrong
4. Believe her, even though she is wrong
5. Go to school, and hold the door for everyone. Idk why I still do this, I just feel like it. It is not to help anyone, but I feel like if I can’t help myself, then I should devote my life to helping others.
6. Before the classes begin, I write. I write my story. It is called ‘summit’ and you might find it interesting.
7. 1st period starts, then the next and next until seventh. Talk to no one. Speak to no one. Question the manner of the earth and why I am not feeling alright. It is not because of interaction, I need Jesus bro.(are you a bro, idk)
8. Go home, do homework, knowing that all these things are just meaningless and it won’t get me anywhere in the end.
9. Go to sleep
10. Repeat.
I do the same thing every day, except for weekends. In that case it is not really much different. I never talk or truly explain my feeling to anyone, not even people online or you. I fear you guys won’t agree and will hate me for my beliefs. I can’t trust you guys anyway cause I know anyone but myself and God will take it the wrong way. Sry if I am talking ‘too Christian’ for you, I just feel like talking like that.
I am afraid.
I am content.
I am not happy.
This is my life that will never change -
I'm sorry life is like that for you. It lowkey sucks and my mom is similar to yours though she can act very crazy sometimes and it's fine, I understand that and I myself am a Christian, a Jehovah Witness specifically so I don't mind. Most times I feel like I'm talking "too Christian" to everyone else when they ask for my beliefs sometimes lol
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I am a Protestant and I feel the same way lol. I don’t feel like talking about this stuff sometimes because the mods that are not Christian will think that we are against certain people and they might delete our posts. I don’t want to have anymore fear. I don’t hate people at all, I hate what the people do. No of them understand, and now some of them think that I am SUPPORTING what they are doing haha. I do hate gays but I don’t support them either. I choose to hate the sin. How many times do you have to steal that makes you a thief? Only once. I believe that we are all dead in sin and that satan if tempting us with pleasures saying that we can escape and that you can have what you want and that it is so good to do evil which of course is not true, I understand that it can be hard sometimes. You may believe something different, and that is okay. It doesn’t mean I hate you. Plus, idk exactly what you believe anyway lol.
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Yeah, some people may take some of the stuff you believe the wrong way when really, you're a good person who believes in doing good
As a Jehovah Witness, I believe in--not much of "afterlife in heaven" persay, but with Jehovah and his son Jesus changing the bad stuff on earth to a great place with lots of happiness and hope. There's even a place for Jehovah Witness called Bethel where Jehovah Witness all around the world go to create buildings for witness to study the bible (but rn, we're doing it on Zoom), they also create books, online books, and videos on their website and like to send hopeful texts to each other each day. We also meet for a memorial for Jesus' death along with a convention where witnesses all around the world meet up to talk to each other and learn stuff from the bible. We do most of it on zoom now due to COVID but that's usually what we do. Sometimes, we even have meet ups with each other just to have fun. We just try to stay faithful, be forgiving, and try to send hope to everyone when we can. It's a lot, Ik lol, but yeah, that's kinda the stuff we do. And just know your never "too christian" for me xD -
Too christian should be a good thing
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Each day, I feel more depressed. It's not like anything is ever going to help. I don't got any "happy" things to do to move my mind anymore since all my hobbies are turning into priorities and all that's in my mind is su1c1de. Plus, I fell asleep crying last night as usual while trying to hold myself back from k1lling myself. Even when outside, at the store, with my family, I suddenly felt like crying but tried to hold it in so then no one would notice. I haven't even ate much either. I don't feel like it or want to. If I do, I'll have to take another injection and I don't want to do that rn. I'm preparing for my mom to nag me about it too and for her to nag me about my grades--like I'm not already dealing with so much. Just holding myself back from doing certain things is too much
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Dude….
Do some sudoku puzzle or SOMTHING
You NEED to cheer up bro. -
You say it like cheering up is easy lol. It isn't and nothing ever makes me happy anymore tbh. But idk, I'm fine ig
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