~Love and Hate~
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 30, '16 3:54am
Thread Topic: ~Love and Hate~
-
"Yes." He admitted, his heart shattering all at once. Reflecting on what he had done, he felt like s---. Andie put his head in his hands, hiding his eyes. He wanted to scream. He would do anything to avoid the situation. His twirled his finger around a lock of hair, almost groaning out loud.
It was like as a child, when you got lectured for doing something you knew was wrong. He knew he shouldn't have cheated on his boyfriend, and he was aware of why it was wrong and the consequences. Andie felt exactly like that. He wanted this conversation to be short and sweet, but he knew that would never happen.
At the same time, the felt extreme pity for his lover. Weeping, hopeless, heartbroken. Andie wished he could help him, make it all better, wrap him into his arms to help him stop crying. Andie wanted to hold him close, but that would be overstepping his bounds. There was nothing he could do to help Matthew, after all. -
They should live on the beach, like their apartment should be like right on the shore line. I have no idea why this popped in my head but they should.)
Matthew froze, he was just paralyzed in his spot. Something bubbled up in side him something he didn't really feel that often, rage, "God- Ugh! God damn it Andie! How much do you hate me?! How much are you trying to kill me?!" He said and slammed his hands down on the seat, hid his fingers in his hair and pulled in it, his head started to hurt.
He stood up and his hands fell to his side, "Stay! Just stay here..." he said quietly, "I'll be back in a little bit... I can't... I can't be here right now." he said, he grabbed his sweater as he walked towards the door. He slammed the door harshly as he left he couldn't walk that far so he sat down on the stairs he put his sweater on and put his head in his hands. -
Yas I agree)
Olive had bolted across the room at the sound of the door slamming. She was shaking behind the couch, giving a pathetic mewl. Andie, a wreck, ignored her and stood. He said nothing, thought nothing. The entire house was silent.
Oh, the guilt. He might not have thought anything. But it was what he felt that was killing him. The tan boy slowly walked to his bathroom. He wanted to cry. However, you don't always get what you want. Instead, he stared heartlessly into his own monotone, blank reflection. No emotion. No nothing. He was plain. The air conditioning quietly hummed in the distance of the house, as the hot Florida weather was soaring above eighty outside, even in the middle of February. -
Sorry I took so long, I was at the hospital.)
Matthew cried into his hands, not even caring that much about the looks he got from the people coming up the stairs or going down. His phone rang in his pocket but he didn't bother answering it, or the second time, or the third, on the fourth time however, he did, "Hello." He said although it was obvious he was crying,
"Matty? Whats wrong hon?" His mothers soft voice said through the phone, "You're crying." She stated,
"Did you and Andie get in a fight? On your birthday too what a shame." She said, "Nothing to big I hope." He contemplated telling her the truth but before he could,
"No mom, nothing that big, he just forgot. I'm probably over reacting anyways." His lied, his mom chuckled,
"Oh no hon, if you don't get mad this time he wont remember next time, see I should of done that, then maybe someone would of remembered mine." She said chuckling.
"Hey, I always remember your birthday!" He said
"Yes but you're the only person in the world who disliked Halloween." She said, "Well anyways hon, Happy Birthday, I have to go now. Bye!" Before Matty could say goodbye his mom hung up the phone. He sighed and put it back in his pocket.
Matty leaned against the railing and stared at the kids at the beach playing and running around, they obviously weren't from around here but it didn't matter that much they were distracting him so it was fine. His mind wandered slightly, he sighed realizing he should probably go talk to Andie. He got up slowly and wiped the tears off his face he held on to the railing making sure he wouldn't fall. He walked up to the door and stared at it for a minuet or two with his hand on the nob before he opened it slowly and walked in. -
Hearing Matthew come in, he exited the bathroom and went back into the living room. He quickly turned the television on, flipping through the channels. He let his head rest on his hand, putting on as much of a bored expression as he could manage. While flipping through the channels, he caught a few interesting news headlines. Hate crimes, terrorism, things being legalized, things being outlawed.
Gay marriage had been legalized just a few months ago; Andie remembered precisely how he felt. He wanted to marry Matthew, or so he had thought. He had even brought it up a few times. He had said, "Matthew, let's get married one day~ I'll even wear a dress for you~" They had laughed, snuggling on the coach together. But then he was in much more of a care free state.
He couldn't afford that now. Worse came to worse. His mother died, he started his business. He didn't have much beside that. Without his mother, he needed an emotion free distraction. So he had pushed Matthew away emotionally and started having one night stands. Quick, easy, satisfying. No need to talk afterwards about your feelings. It was perfect for him.
Until it wasn't.
(Omg why the hospital)] -
Matthew watched him for a little bit and and walked in a bit more shutting the door. He closed his eyes and walked forwards he walked slowly and in front of the TV. He crossed his arms over his chest and opened his eye and looked at him, he tried to match Andie's cold blank stare but he knew he couldn't and was somewhat okay with that. He forgot what he was originally going to start with so the first thing that came to mind slipped out of his mouth, "Do you even love me anymore?" That was a loaded question and he knew it but he didn't even mean for it to spill out but it did and he couldn't take it back, not now especially since now that he'd said it, he needed the answer.
He had built it up in his mind what he was going to say and he'd forgot it the second he walked in and even more when he saw Andie. He tried to remember what he was going to say and he couldn't so he was trying to build it up once again in his mind but the pieces weren't fitting together in his mind which was starting to freak him out in his mind.
(Oh my little brother jump- I'm just kidding I don't even have a little brother. No my cousin had a baby last night so we went to see the baby.) -
Andie turned the television off, and stood up. He grabbed the other's hands in his, rubbing his thumbs in the palms of Matthew's hands. "I have always and will always love you." And it was true. The minute he saw Matthew, Andie knew they would soon be much more than that.
And it was true. The beginning of the relationship was blissful. He couldn't believe that this amazing human was his. "I just..wasn't able to face you after my mom died. I couldn't. It hurt. So I started my business as a distraction. And then I had affairs, to satisfy my needs. And it was okay, but I hurt both of us." His voice cracked near the end, which was incredibly mortifying for him.
He normally kept a brave, simple, cold stature. But now he couldn't keep it. It was impossible. -
Matthew watched as he stood up, he held back the urge to pull his hand away. He studied his face and him quickly and then stared at his eyes,his eyes softened and he looked down, "You're not allowed to do it again, never, I don't care what the circumstances are, you can't." He said quietly, "If you want to stay then you can but we'll have to talk about things. Thing can't just go south and you go sleep with anything that moves." He said with a small huff and quietly.
He thought for a moment and looked at him, "And I want it all out! All of it! Anything they touched while they were here I don't care what it is, pillowcases, actual pillows, sheets, a mattress, couch, glasses a new kitchen counter if we have to I don't care but it has to be gone!" He said their wasn't anger in his voice, he was sad and it was obvious but their was so much more then just that, "You can't just act like that Andie... You hurt me a lot..." He said quietly, "I know you miss your mom and that's understandable but how would you feel if I did the same thing? Honestly I feel like complete trash right now." He said the last part growing quiet. -
Andie was shaky, shakier than he would like to admit. This scared him. The idea of losing his beloved terrified him, when it came down to it. He was always confident when he was reckless, but when Andie felt the backlash he was knocked down. Andie knew he needed help. Therapy, something. He needed to get better, clean up his act. He had to have a clean act to maintain his business- and even more importantly, his relationship.
It wasn't easy for him. He couldn't even fathom what Matthew was going through right now. Andie knew he didn't deserve Matthew. But, stupidly enough, Matthew loved him. 'Love truly is blind.' He thought to himself, 'He should have dropped me the second he found out. Yelled, screamed, threw my things out the window and told me to get a hotel. But he didn't.'
It didn't make sense to Andie, either. It's not like Andie didn't love Matthew- no, he loved him more than anything. He was the only thing he loved in his life. But if he had been betrayed by Matthew, how would he have felt? He would have freaked, he was sure. He would have yelled, screamed, lost it all. And a month after he would have called and asked if they could make up and be friends. Maybe they were soulmates, indeed, after all. -
Matthew looked at him he tilted his head slightly, part of him realized he might be being slightly unreasonable but then he realized he had the right to be considering what happened. He looked at him he felt a few tears in his eyes, "That a no?" He asked pulling his hand away from him. He crossed his arms over his chest again. "Can't get rid of it? Can't stay with just me?" He asked more offended than hurt especially the last one. He narrowed his eyes his mixed emotions obvious in them.
Matty thought that maybe he should of reacted more, that maybe his mom was right that if you didn't act out the first time they wouldn't know better for next time but then that was his mom and she never reacted about anything, especially if it was a relationship so I guess she didn't understand too well. He shook himself mentally and stared at Andie, he hopped their wasn't a next time because he knew it would destroy him and destroy would be taking it lightly. -
Realizing that between all of his thinking, Andie hadn't responded, he glanced up from his feet. He looked his lover in the eyes. Nodding, "Yes. I'll do anything for you. I'll replace everything. No matter how much debt I go into, I want you back Matthew. You and only you. I miss going out to dinner with you. I miss walking on the beach, collecting shells, swimming, scuba diving and surfing. I miss hitting up bars together and getting a little too drunk. I miss crying to you, and you crying to me. I miss cuddling on the couch, I miss staying up until three in the morning together. I miss our friends being jealous of what we have. I miss holding hands. I miss kissing. I miss talking to each other without having to block out our emotions. I miss your voice, your body, your affection. Matty, I miss you and only you."
These words flowed from his mouth, without any reason or thought. They might have been reckless, unfiltered, but that's what the moment called for. He had let loose the emotion he had been too barred up to share before. And damn, it felt so good. Andie hated bottling up each and every one of his thoughts, thinking it would be better for the two of them. How stupid of him. -
Matthew looked at him and nodded slightly, he paused and shook his head, "I'll help you replace it, you don't have to pay for it all by yourself." A smile cracked on his face, "Me too... We should go out tonight, like a date." He said chuckling, "Unless you don't want to,that's fine too Andie." He said blushing and realizing he was getting ahead of himself, "Andie... I can quit my job if you'd like, so we can spend more time together... No maybe that's not right I guess... I-I could drop out... Would that be better?" He asked.
Matty shied back slightly, away from him and his mind went wild. He studied Andies features and his emotions, the ones that were showing. His smile wavered slightly and he couldn't really explain why. He put his hands in his pockets and blushed a bit more. -
"Yes, let's go on a date. And you don't need to help pay for it. I can do a fundraiser at work. Or get a loan. Something like that. I'll work it out. And no, don't drop out. I'll be busy with work. We'll work it out." Andie told him, still holding the other boy's hands in his own tan ones.
Andie hadn't gotten enough time, in the past few months, to appreciate the loveliness that is his boyfriend. His sensitive stature, perfect. The pure, raw emotion was beautiful. The long, golden locks that erupted from his boyfriend's head were truly angelic. They were soft, he had remembered touching them various times whilst drunk. And the emerald green eyes that blazed so expressively. Oh, he was perfect. 'I love him. I can't fail him this time.' He thought. -
Matty smiled and nodded, "Okay!" He said happily, he nodded slightly, "Hmmm then maybe I could get a better job... Theirs some better ones around here that would pay better." He said thinking about it, he did know that their was better jobs but the ones he knew about might raise a few problems of their own, they probably would but it's just an idea.
Matthew was happy about the thought of a date, it had been a while and it might be fun just to goof around with each other for the first time in a while. His mind wandered slightly before it landed back on the sore subject. He smiled mentally and pumped himself up, he was determined, that this time Andie wouldn't want to go anywhere. -
Andie grinned a little, loving the look inside of his lover's eyes. He felt renewed, for the first time in a long time. It was blissful, and he could only hope it would last. "So, where should we go on this date of ours?" He dropped the other boy's hands, as he was beginning to get a little sweaty.
It was quite awkward, after all. He felt like the little boy who had his first relationship, and had no idea what to do. He was helpless, and he would have to go back and learn what to do again. It couldn't be too hard, right? He had managed a successful relationship with Matty once before. Who said lightning couldn't strike in the same place twice?
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
