"can't the future just wait?"
Thread Topic: "can't the future just wait?"
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imsoclueless Seniori'm just gonna stop having romantic feelings for ppl now, tbh-
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imsoclueless Seniori'm angry.
mostly with him,
but also with myself. -
imsoclueless Seniorwe held hands, how tf has he not even brought it up once since?? it's been, what, two, three years???
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imsoclueless Seniorand i'll dream each night of some version of you,
that i might not have, but i did not lose.
now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes,
and i'm split in half, but that'll have to do. -
imsoclueless Seniorbut recently,
everyone says they are seeing less of me.
i could do better if i had energy,
be like i used to be...
and frequently,
i picture myself walking straight into the sea.
laughing as the waves come rolling to my knees.
what a place to be... -
imsoclueless Seniori tend to stress myself out a lot, don't i?
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imsoclueless Seniori'm feeling mediocre-
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imsoclueless Seniori hope i'm not becoming obsessive-
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imsoclueless Seniori'll let 'em take accountability,
for everything that's wrong with me.
can't hold myself responsible,
so i blame the metaphysical.
if Jesus died for all our sins,
He left one behind, the body i'm in.
same hands that made the moon and the stars,
got carpal tunnel and forgot some parts.
i don't know what i believe.
but it's easier to think,
he made a mistake with me... -
imsoclueless Seniori always smile but it doesn't reach my eyes,
and i'm forgetful, but i promise that i try.
it's a curse and a blessing,
the way that i'm never resting.
my mind's always moving much faster than my mouth,
i know what to say but it never comes out right.
you know what i mean, right? you know what i mean, right? no. -
imsoclueless Seniorsometimes my own room is the safest that i feel,
and nothing around me feels like it's real.
i sit alone in a panic, there's always something i'm forgetting,
i always remember the strangest things i've said,
when i'm alone at night in my bed.
and my head is a choir, and my only desire is for silence, shh. -
imsoclueless Seniori wanna rant abt adhd here for a bit bc mine is raging and will not let be do my school work :')
so, i have adhd. if that wasn't already established lol
i tend to have a really poor memory, especially when it comes to smth i have to memorize or remember for smth important,
i have a hard time regulating my volume when i talk (like, i laugh a bit too loud that smth that nt ppl normally wouldn't be rolling on the floor laughing abt, or just speaking too loud if it gets too loud in the room (idrk how to describe this one bc idek how it work-)),
i have a really hard time focusing on things (most of the time it's stuff that i normally don't enjoy, like school work and classes, but sometimes i have a hard time focusing on things i do enjoy, like conversations with friends, playing video games, reading books, watching tv/yt, etc.),
i have a hard time regulating/controlling my emotions (i tend to get upset rather easily or get too excited abt dumb stuff easily),
i have a hard time reading conversations, and then knowing how to properly react in them (like if someone makes a joke towards me, i tend to get offended bc i take it too seriously (bc it does hurt me, even if it's just a joke) or when someone's talking abt a hard time they're going thru, even if i do feel pity for them (finding words to comfort my friends tends to be hard for me)),
i get distracted easily/tend to daydream often (relating back to the lack of focus),
i have really bad object permanence (the "out of sight, out of mind' concept: if i put it somewhere (it could be it's normal place or somewhere totally random) and i don't see it for a while (like it gets covered up of something) i completely forget abt it and then can't find it),
i have a hard time not fidgeting (i'm not on the hyperactive side of adhd, but i fidget a ton. always picking at my face, fidgeting with my clothes, using fidget toys, fidgeting with my hands, tapping my foot on the floor/shaking my leg, dinosaur arms, vocal stims etc.),
i hyperfixate, a lot- (i have so many special interests, i probably couldn't even tell you how many xD)
then i tend to drop things i hyperfixate on, a lot- (used to be a huge potterhead, now it's not really smth i'm super into anymore (still love hp, but it's not my most fav movie franchise)), and same with the inverse,
i tend to obsess over people (not on purpose, i just tend to be drawn to a certain person and want to be with them constantly (and think abt them constantly) (and this is more related to crushes, i think-)),
i tend to read into things too much (ie. when a guy i liked said "honestly, i'm kind of glad we never actually dated" ^^' still think abt it and wonder "maybe there's a reason why he said that, and it's not just bc he didn't think he was a good match for me"-),
i get adhd paralysis, but i don't think it's ever really noticeable (even to me- (ik for some ppl, it looks like them sat on their phone scrolling, but then on the inside their thoughts are basically, "i need to do this assignment, and i need to clean my bedroom, and the bathroom, and do the laundry, but i can't, even tho i need to-", bc it's kind of like that for me, but i'm doing smth other than the things i have to do-))-
i realized how long this is getting and i'm starting to run out of things that i can remember off the top of my head lmaoo
and that's what adhd is like for me, to sum it all up ^^' -
imsoclueless Seniorguys, i wrote the Bible-
both the old and new testament xD -
imsoclueless Seniori love when i just start shaking for no reason-
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imsoclueless Seniori think one of my sisters was searching my room for, who knows what, bc my sheets and my tablet were moved and my cheez-its were stolen-
or maybe i'm trippin' and i never had cheez-its lmao
still, makes me anxious for some reason, but mostly annoyed, like stay tf out of my s----
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