Vent thread I'll probably forget about
Thread Topic: Vent thread I'll probably forget about
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^^^ it means you’re an eldritch entity trapped between two realms
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oh goodie
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i will never be anything more than what people expect from me
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wow i really am having a crisis over what job I want when I grow up
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i love how I'll be stone faced during genuine s---ty problems but the second the smallest thing goes wrong in english class I'm just a puddle of tears-
my bio teacher gave me a piece of candy since he knew I was struggling tho, so today wasn't all bad -
most of my friendships have expiration dates on them but I'm really hoping this one doesn't. I don't want to have put in 5 years of work and memories for nothing
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I have no reason to suspect that she'll stop being friends with me or anything, we both genuinely had a great time, I'm just being paranoid and worried about nothing most likely
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lucas remember to write yourself a pros and cons list for trying to apply for the aviation course next year so you can decide if it's something you really want to do
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Or better yet, here's this: Try to take the teaching course first. If that doesn't pan out, or if you end up not liking it, now you know that teaching isn't the thing for you, and you can focus on the other courses (aka aviation)
also try to see if construction is something you're really into doing for the rest of your life. I know you like it as a hobby, and you enjoy doing the humanitarian work a LOT, but try to do more research on it -
and obviously do your homework and study hard and don't be a failure blah blah blah
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sometimes I forget that i'm trans lowkey
idk how to word that without sounding weird. It might be major dissociating, might not be -
Idk like i'll remember i'm not a cis guy but not that i'm technically female
and it's not like i haven't been misgendered or deadnamed recently either like it happens all the time, but some part of my subconscous is like "oh well you're wearing an outfit that doesn't fit with gender norms so you're gonna get a little bit of misgendering that's just how it goes" and then deadnaming just feels the same as getting my name pronounced wrong, like oh that's not right but whatever -
that still doesn't sound right, idk how to put it into words
Idk i just haven't felt massive dysphoria or anything recently, but I felt it today and was like "oh wow this hasn't happened in a while oopy-"
and body dysphoria/dysmorphia hasn't been an issue recently either. Idk how to explain it but my body just isn't mine so I don't view the stuff wrong with it like it's something wrong with me. Plus idk i feel like i'm too busy to worry about that s--- -
watch as I jinx this and wind up feeling massive body issues within like a day or two
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it's hard not to blame myself partially for this. Ik she doesn't blame me, but ig I'm just wondering if it would've turned out differently had I reacted better
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