Shrouded despair and forgotten ambitions
- Locked by Br0wnieBunny on Nov 23, '24 12:03amReason: thread owner request
Thread Topic: Shrouded despair and forgotten ambitions
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I think you're amazing, dude. And clearly I'm not the only one :)
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Thanks:)
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yw! :DD
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You're very welcome :)
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:)
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Nobody respond to this next post, please
I think I’m just in general a bad person to be friends with. Online I can change my tone and seem like I’m not going through burnout. But in real life, whenever I feel overworked or tired or I have chronic pain like a headache or back pain, I just kind of shut down. Like I find it hard to find the energy to talk and I get stressed and irritable. Which makes me really tired, so I just don’t talk, then I get mad at myself when my friends subsequently don’t talk to me, which I don’t really want them to do anyway. I feel left out which is stupid because I bring it on myself when my social battery runs out and just being around people and nature or anywhere there’s noise just becomes exhausting. I’ve barely spent a full week at school this term because I get too tired to deal with things. And I overthink every little thing, like that one thing this random person says? Well now they just don’t want to be my friend I guess. And I know it’s stupid, which then leads me to believe I’m stupid, and why would my friends want to be friends with me if I’m stupid, but that’s stupid they literally said they want to be friends with me, so I just must be stupid if I believe that, and over and over again. I just spiral and I don’t reach out to anyone because I’m scared I’m being needy and I don’t want to be like the toxic friends I left behind who were controlling and mean. I really dont want to be controlling and mean, I want to be there for the people I love, but I don’t know how. Like at this point I don’t know how to interact, I just try, and yeah it might’ve been because I was isolated at my previous schools, but I’m not going into that right now. I just want to enjoy the friends I have but it’s hard to without thinking “if I say something wrong or I disagree with them we’re going to argue and they’re going to get mad at me and I’ll be back in term one third grade” which is obviously stupid. But I know that if I don’t reach out to anyone it’ll get worse. I’m nearly a month clean and I’ll be mad at myself if I don’t keep trying not to. And I don’t want to seem annoying to my friends so like suppress your feelings ig idk at this point -
That’s a long post wowzers
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Yeah I’m not going to school tomorrow 🙃
Idec that I have a math exam. Like I am not going to be able to keep perfect grades this year, and that’s fine. Am I going to need math and science in writing and broadway? No. All I’ll need is music theory and English. It’s 10pm and guess who doesn’t give a s--- anymore
For context uh y’all get no context. Lucas might be able to figure out what’s happening since he knows about this but idk lol -
I hate chemically smells
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‘It’s not about you shut up’
b---- it’s nearly 12am and I have a math exam I’m sorry your life is sO mUcH hArDeR I’m allowed to be tired and wanting to go home at 12am but what do I know maybe I’m just a selfish brat- -
Like ok Miss I’m A Good Parent lemme down some coffee if you want me to be able to function Jesus
I need sleep man I’m f---in tired -
AH I was listening to my coping playlist because dEpReSs and was literally just wallowing in sorrow and darkness and suddenly tHe OnLy ThInG i’Ve GrOoMeD aRe My tWo PeRsIan [censored word] and I’m DYING WHY DID I ADD THIS TO MY COPING PLAYLIST
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When you guys are playing oz tag or smth do you just get way too overstimulated to function and the yelling is too much and your skin gets all prickly so I whole time you’re scratching your arms and face and your skin is really pale so the scratching makes little red marks and you can’t handle the feeling of the Velcro on the belt against your arm so the entire time you’re just t posing and scratching your face and arms and probably looking like a f---in weirdo or is that just me
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I want to curl up in a little hole and die I hate this feeling
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Just let me feel things. Why am I not allowed to cry but she is? Why can’t I break down but they can?
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