Venting Thread
- Locked by Carri04 on Oct 29, '23 9:13pmReason: Sorry you gotta deal with this.
Thread Topic: Venting Thread
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Supposed to be gettin' a screening for a personality disorder or so I was told. Not sure if my mom even knows abt this yet since I kinda went at it privately but I am a lil scared to tell her about it for some reason or have her find out; not sure why
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My mom's going to get rid of our dog soon bc she doesn't like dealing with her and don't got a lot of money for her in the first place. Ik I've talked about this before but it seems like everyday, she's getting more and more serious about this and I'm no longer going to have a dog...
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My sister keeps bringing them up when their de@d as a joke or teasing type of thing. I don't think she means to be rude or anything since she's in a good mood atm (Made a new friend while I'm basically friendless), but her bringing them up just upsets me cuz it shows how many people I'm losing or lost through death or even through them being alive and not wanting to be friends with me anymore :(
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I could blame my possible personality disorder for making keeping friendships difficult, but idk, it could just be me really, or that I'm so replaceable cuz literally, everyone replaces me with any chance they get and most of my past friends have done the same thing and left me behind... my sister kinda doing it too
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.....
Don't you ever have those days where you're looking online or really anywhere, trying to find a sign to live in your weakest moments cuz that's me most days... and it's so difficult bc I have to motivate myself to live whenever I'm just so tired of everything -
I miss my bff from my old school before I moved. He was literally the best.
He made me smile and laugh so much (there's this one memory of him and I where we goofing off during class/ when we were supposed to be working quietly/ and that was one of the last but best memories with him).
He would always be so protective and worried about me if I got hurt or seemed sad.
He would give me compliments every day (randomly) that were genuine and would always help me with confidence.
He was popular but that didn't stop him from talking to a shy girl like me.
He would always invite me into things when I was by myself since I didn't and honestly still don't have many friends.
He would always forgive me for stupid mistakes I made in the past that I still think he shouldn't, but that was very nice of him.
He could read me so well, whenever I was too shy to speak my mind, he would talk for me and say EXACTLY what I was thinking.
And when I told the news of me moving to some people I sat with during lunch, he was the one who was so mad and upset about it and even slammed down on the lunch table in anger (Didn't expect that reaction from him, my eyes just went "0-0" and I was speechless), and later, he looked genuinely sad when he knew I'd be leaving soon and I gave him a big hug before leaving.
He was overall, just such a sweetheart who I could count on and I'm probably a simp for him at this point and never had the guts to-- ykykyk, but anyway. I had always thought he had a crush on me tbh and people in the class had thought the same thing or that I liked him too (Ugggh, I have this memory of me and him goofing off together and one of his friends sitting next to us flat out asked if we liked each other... it was a little awkward from then on but we immediately said no lol). My sister even agreed he liked me bc he and my fam lived in the same apartment where I'd get to see him. Whenever there were kids outside, talking and hanging out at the apartments (most of them going to my same school), I'd usually just sit by myself and he would keep asking if I'm okay, or if I wanted to hang with his group, or he'll just sit down to keep me company. He also talked to my sister about me so she kinda got that idea too.
But yeah, anyway, he was my first crush and bestie Ik ever since kindergarten and I still think abt him now and cry bc I'll never have that connection with anyone else like I did with that one person but I'm so blessed to have met him and hope he's doing alright -
Tbh, most times I talk to people, online or not, I overthink before I speak so then I can view my words from all perspectives and find what may offend someone so then I can say in a way that won't, but this one time, I decided to stop overthinking the way I do and just do smth for once since my brain always hurt but the one time I don't think about what I'm saying, I offend someone.
I mean, I was able to change the subject to no further explain the stupid words I said cuz I didn't mean it the way the person took it but still, what I said made me sound like a brat even though I meant it in more of a joking manner -
Dis guy. Dis man. He has a crush on me but like, him liking me kinda leaves me confused cuz I only talked to them once for a split second and even that interaction wasn't much of a real conversation and like, I don't really know him like that--☠
It's nice that someone sees me in that way but I can't like you back if I don't really know you. -
But it's probably just a crush and just that, not like an "I love you" type of thing
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But anyway, good news is that my brother's last day of school is coming up THIS WEEK meaning he'll graduate and will move out. I may seem mean for wanting him out but after everything he's done and all his "h@rming me" threats, I'd feel much safer and will have a better chance of mental health improvement with him gone
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Idk why but I just got sudden flashbacks of someone who used to cyberbully me. They're probs still watching me from the shadows cuz they obsessed with me, probably even loved me/j but um, yeah, it was kinda funny for the time they did return after harrassing me for months, they pretended to be some type of victim who say things like "Words hurt" when they still be around cyberbullying people lol
Ik it shouldn't be funny (it's def not funny for the people they actually hurt) but from my pov, it was funny, especially the things they told me was bc they were only upset at me cuz I was right abt people going against them if they kept being a jerk
So, yeah, moral of the story is don't be a jerk <3 -
Yeah, I'll admit, I'm the type who loves saying "I told you so" so it felt so good telling them that, especially after how bad they treated me when we used to be "friends," yes, with quotes around it
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Bro be upset, threatening me, annoying my mom, saying he's not going to school or he's goin' to skip it, and being a real jerk when I'm over here like,, can I just watch Sonic 2 until Sonic Prime comes out in peace
Plus, it's literally 10 at night, go to sleep or at least settle down -
Sometimes, I just want to cry to someone that cares yk but there's no one to go to cuz I'm just been by myself for so long
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hey, i don't know you well, but are you feeling okay?
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