yo
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 16, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: yo
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you know what I just realized
I need to make my bulletin board happier
I mean it could be so awesome but it's completely barebones and just has random stickers and pictures of my former semi-bff which is pretty tacky ngl
so I better get on that, it might make me happier -
anyway
*sigh*
it got kinda late
and I still have like 9 hours of work left
whyy -
Ig I could cut down emails to half an hour and work to just one hour, maybe even half an hour?? and maybe just count [other contractual obligation that I'd rather not list for personal reasons] as done for the day, and make journaling optional since I've been processing a lot today anyway, and maybe do an hour less of school
so
*beep beep boop beep*
that's 5 and a half hours instead of 9 and a half...... that's much better -
so ig just blast my playlist and give it all I got for the next five hours
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I'm totally getting a B on this paper but it's only the second week of class so ig I can catch up
*sigh*
I just wanna go and stay in the mountains for like a month - with no internet - and just figure my life out and then boom
also it'd be really nice if I could just push pause on life so my responsibilities wouldn't suffer
because I also don't want to live the hakuna matata life
gah I just don't even know -
welp I need to go do things so hopefully I can figure this out
-
*sigh*
whyyyy -
it used to be that the things in my life were what made me sad, but nope now I'm the one who makes me sad
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idk why more people don't hate me
well who knows, maybe they do and they're just really good fakers
but why does it matter anyway? idk how to fix people's opinions -
maybe my trip next month will help
usually socializing does me good
but it won't last for long, I'll be happy for maybe three days and then it'll wear off again -
listening to music has really really helped though, but it's not quite enough. I'm still just flat and dead inside and idk how to fix it
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probably what I need most is accountability and support from other people, but I can't really ask that from people..... they already do enough for me as is
I mean maybe I could set up a dual accountability system with E or N but idk.... -
also my teeth really hurt because I've been eating trash lately
and I have a dentist appt coming up so they're gonna kill me
-_- -
I just wish I could find a "however" to all this. It used to be that I just loved life for the sake of life and that was enough to keep me going. But now I just don't see the point. I'm not suicidal at all and I'm not tempted by self-harm or anything like that, but I'm still being such an idiot
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all my friends are long distance
the people I live with are toxic
I have D and D and that's it
school isn't going well
work is ok but I feel like I'm not doing enough
music is barely holding on by a thread
my room is a mess
I'm probably over 200 lbs now
my mental health is doing horribly and my work ethic is nonexistent
I'm disappointing everyone and making everyone mad and gah I really don't want to be such a downer but I don't see any bright side to this
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