yo
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 16, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: yo
-
well maybe I should just go outside and get a lil reset
I really wish I could talk to one of my friends about this, but I'm already so needy and they have their own issues too. I can't just keep taking from people. So I'm on my own. I guess that's not entirely a bad thing. I've done it alone before and I can totally do it again. -
oh and i need to switch over my user for that thing, but ahhh i'm really scared to do it fsr
why must i be so socially awkward it really sucks
maybe i should just set a date and force myself to do it then
maybe a week from monday or somethin idk
there's only like 4 or 5 things I'm in that I'd have to change
so yeah -
anyway i need to go live my life
hopefully I can get positive soon, I'm really really trying :) -
heyyy I've actually gotten some stuff done! 😄
and my playlist is up to 60 songs rn so YEE
it's hard to do certain things with lyric music playing, but it's worth the mental stretch. these songs are flippin amazing -
gah I wish I wasn't so high maintenance but I guess I figure this all out eventually
-
So in an hour and a half I've done "2 hours" worth of work. And I didn't even kill myself over it. I'm actually kind of happy with mahself :)
-
I should probs work on drafting my analysis for 30 min and then go practice
and I'm gonna be driving for an hour so I gotta find some way to use that time well, but fsr I don't think well while I'm driving so idkkk -
welp anyway off I go again to attempt being awesome :]
-
my word how hard it is to just GROW UP
I'm not a little kid anymore, this is ridiculous -
I guess I've done okay today. But I should be doing so much better.
It also really really doesn't help that I essentially have no support. I'm basically all on my own in a way. Yes I have lots of really good friends, but they're either surface-level friends, or if I do share deeper stuff with them it's not even close to all of it. -
I'm at 12 hours left. Still all-nighter level of work. Maybe I can pick up a couple more hours, but looks like I'll have to stay up pretty stinkin' late tonight if I'm going to not be terrible
-
Everyone tells me that I'm doing great and I need to stop beating myself up, but they just don't get it. They don't understand the expectations I have to live up to. And yeah they're kind of my own expectations, but I can't exactly drop very many of them! It's not even an option for me to get less than A's in college. And I have a job which kinda has responsibilities that come with it. Yeah I could slack off a bit but I really don't want to. I love my job and I want to do the best I can even if it wears me out. And there's emails I need to reply to, and things I've promised to do for other people. I can't wiggle out of that. So really the only things I can cut are the things that make life enjoyable, and that just makes my entire life a skeleton and ahhh I don't know what to do
-
I really thought that after 2020 my life would start to be freed up in a way, but noooope I've only gotten more responsibilities. And it's nice in a way to feel more like an adult and like I'm starting to become independent, but gosh I miss being 16 and not having any actual expectations placed on me.
Except I was miserable then too. There've been pieces in life where I was happy, but really ever since I was 12 I've been battling depression almost constantly. I'm sure part of it is just being a teenager. But so many other teenagers are actually doing well and they all seem so successful. And yeah I'm kind of successful too but it's all just on the surface. So.... is it on the surface for all those other people too?
am I just going completely mental? -
I don't know how to let go of the past and embrace it at the same time. I can't do both. It's like a constant one-or-the-other thing. It's like I have to hold two really hot dishes that just came out of the microwave, with my bare hands. And I physically can't hold them both at the same time, so I have to sort of juggle them. But then I keep dropping them and spilling food out of the dishes and wow this analogy did not work
-
I don't know what to do. I really can't keep complaining. And I also can't keep moping around like a moody teenager. But I also can't keep running myself into the ground by trying to work 24/7 and be the perfect person to everyone. But who do I let down? Almost all the responsibilities I have are non-negotiable. So idk what to do.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
