yo
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 16, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: yo
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It's been a while but imma set up shop here again. I used to be on here a lot, but I'd rather not say which user I used to be. I've changed so much that it doesn't really matter anyway. We be starting fresh bois. 😎
This thread is mainly for my own mental health and not really for interacting with people, so uh... yeah. You can come in if you want, but I have really bad social anxiety so I probably won't want to talk much. It's not personal, I promise.
Idek if I'll be here long. I might love being back and end up staying awhile, or I might decide this isn't for me and pack my bags in a couple days. We'll see I guess. -
oh sweet they give you a default pfp now, that's cool
I actually kind of like it -
welp i'm gonna have to leave in a few but i wanna be back to rant
that's mainly why i came back here
my mental health has never been great but it seemed to do better when i could rant into open air in a semi-public place
i've been doing a lot of journaling but that only goes so far. there's something about putting it out there, even if no one will read it, that makes it work better somehow -
it's weird, i'd think today would feel more special but all my nostalgia has been destroyed somehow
i don't even remember the last time i cried over something irl [movies don't count imo but i don't even cry over those very often either]
it's like somehow nothing matters. i used to love everything and be happy all the time, and all that got destroyed. so now i got nothin. even when i got that really cool new thing last week [tryna be cryptic lol because i don't want anyone to find me here and connect the dots] i was more just like "ok" and wasn't crazy excited about it. i used to get excited over flippin everything and i don't even remember the last time i felt genuinely happy for more than a few minutes
welcome to depression i guess lol -
i read through a lot of my old threads last night and it was weird
like it wasn't perfect then either, i was still pretty depressed and hated myself and was mad at everyone in my life, but it seemed like i was more in tune with myself
i've kind of succumbed to life and gotten dragged down by all the negativity
my big thing was always to "rise above" it all and i've completely failed at that
why was i so much more mature when i was so much younger
i get that i was more inexperienced back then but ahh still i wish i could figure life out quicker -
*sigh* i gotta go
i still don't know which thing to do
i should start with 16.3 and then maybe try 7.1? idk i'm not quite ready for that yet but maybe it'll be fine
and then when all else fails just do the other one
i'm being so cryptic lol but i really want to stay as anonymous as i can -
also i needddd to text some people back and post that thing and get some headway on my report
i don't wanna be scrambling at the last minute again esp with how on-edge i've been
and i need to start doing more stuff outside so i should try to rearrange my schedule and see what stuff i can cut out -
ok well i'll be back later ig
sorry for being me
i'll try to get better soon and then i'll be out of your hair -
Yo your default pfp actually looks better than what most users get as theirs.
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Yeah
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oh haha thanks! :) it was the site not me lol
gah why do random compliments always make me so happy -
welp that could have gone worse
I definitely need to put more effort into practicing
also i seriously seriously need to cut down my range of activities. it's killing me to try to keep up on so many things at once. i need to let go what i truly can't do and focus more on what i need to do. like 3-5 things tops and really capitalize on those -
I do want to try out coding and video editing, I think KA has some stuff on that
but only as a hobby, I don't want to kill myself over it
and maybe cut back a smidge on school and just really focus during the times i'm doing it
i should also spend more time outside because yoikes i'm depressed and overweight and i wonder why -
well last night i was thinking about heart, mind, soul, body, & spirit
maybe i could divide up my activities like that
except i don't want to get all dr. strange or anything lol
but like exercising and doing outside chores could count as the same general activity rather than two separate things
i flippin hate exercise anyway but i don't mind being outdoors
also i think i could branch some things under my "job" even though they're technically not my job
and put duolingo for school even though i'm just doing it for fun -
so like my main things are school, music, work, exercise (but broader than just working out), and.... i need five things.... ig relationships?
gosh i am so bad at replying to people it's awful
even just a simple question takes me like three days to respond to because of how neurotic i am
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