yo
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 16, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: yo
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so I guess my problem is that I don't have any hope or joy in life. I've lost my spark. But idk how to get it back. I've been running on fumes for the last two years and I can't go much further. But I haven't been able to find a fuel station, and ahh idk
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well idk
life doesn't really allow me to focus on my mental state rn so I guess I should just push it to the back burner for now
I have less than 12 hours to finish my paper, but really it's more like 7 or 8 because life
I still haven't even come up with the main thrust yet, I've just been dancing around it -_-
but I've started later than this before so it'll probably be ok.... I probs won't get an A though 😠-
well anyway ig that's all for now
I'll just turn on some music and try to get crackin -
no no no no no this isn't good
my anxiety is through the roof rn
I'm gonna flunk this assignment
I'm letting absolutely everyone down
I'm failing
come on come on come on snap outta this -
I'm the odd one out everywhere. I'm the black sheep of every group. I'm messed up and neurotic and so many things are wrong with me for no reason and I don't know what to do
is this all in my head? am I just being a big wimp? am I just victimizing myself so I don't feel as bad for being a terrible person? but I do feel bad. at least I think I do.
I'm very sorry to be so dramatic, it's not my intent to drag anyone down. I'm very very not ok at the moment but I don't want to be triggering or inappropriate in any way -
this is a battle though. I need to keep fighting. That was the difference between the self I loved and the self I hated. I was a fighter. I wasn't necessarily successful, but I never stopped swinging. I never gave up. Well.... until I gave up, that is.
honestly this is so much like thor in endgame it's not even funny -
So I messed up. I've messed up a lot lately. I've been sucking pretty bad. Some of it's my fault, some of it isn't. But what's happened has happened. And a lot of it will continue to happen no matter what, because life is life. But what am I gonna do about it?
Is that really all it takes? Do you just have to try? But I've been trying and I'm still not happy. So do I need to change my perspective? Is it really all ok as long as I'm trying?
Well not necessarily. A lot of the toxic people in my life could try to escape blame by saying they're trying, and that would be the worst excuse ever. So there's more than just that. But how much more? -
ok you know what, screw it
Screw. It.
I'm not a quitter. I'm not a failure. I'm not a loser. I'm not any of those things. I gotta stop letting myself believe that.
Yes, life is hard. Well, congratulations on figuring out what everyone else knows. Life isn't easy, and it's never going to be. It'll always be a battle, and there ain't nothing anyone can do about that. Even the most successful people are constantly struggling for more. In my proudest moments, I was never fully happy with myself or my life. That's just how it is. That's how it is for everyone.
So what am I gonna do with that fact? Yes I've got issues and struggles and things I'm dealing with, but so does everyone! I'm not special in that way. So I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, buck up, shut up, look up, get up, square up, and grow up. It's not about what I get out of life. It's about how much I put into it, and if I can't deal with that, that's my problem. Support is nice, but I don't need it. I've already got everything I need right here. I just have to put it to good use. -
*sigh* ok welp it ain't over yet
but the one thing I can't do is give up
I'm not gonna be perfect, but finishing is the most important part
and then I can start again next week and it'll be fine
I'm going to be okay
I don't have to accept that this is how I am -
all right here we go again
probably gonna be depressed again in no time but that doesn't matter
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