No Subject
- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 24, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
-
I don’t get payed until Wednesday and even then I will still have an overdraft fee
-
Lol I love this I’m going to go sleep I don’t care what are they going to do my credit score is already in shambles from credit checks lmao
-
Why am I so calm if internally my brain is screaming
Oh right it’s because whenever I worry my liver starts to hurt and that pain is worse than an ankle tattoo -
You know I was told I didn’t have liver issues but if there are no liver issues why the f--- does that area start to gargle and feel like I’m getting stabbed if I get anxious or stressed enough
Hm? It can’t all be on that stupid ass life long disease. -
I haven’t had a negative bank balance since I was 18 years old this is really stressful to me and I can’t get cat girl to transfer because she is also in a negative balance
-
I really just said don’t get stressed you dumb--- or else you’ll be on the ground in pain and I still payed attention to the issue and purposely caused more stress
-
It’s 45 dollars I’ll just go without groceries for a week. Tomorrow I’ll have to go tutor the dumb--- 18 year old that makes me do his homework because he can’t do math.
I don’t like him he doesn’t pay attention when I’m trying to teach him how to do not calculus but the basic f---ing algebra you should know to get there from prerequisites and then his parents want him to go to UCLA LOL
his siblings are nice though they actually pay attention and have improved their letter grade by 7% and the other by 5% which isn’t much but you know at least it improved -
Sometimes I sit in bed and stare at the ceiling and wonder what choices I could have made differently in life and how that would change who I am now
But then i remember surprise b---- it doesn’t matter because other people decided to mess up your world at a young age in ways you should not ever do to any human being because that’s illegal so the person I am now is most likely the best outcome I could possibly be with the amount of things that go on in my head.
Because I could have not cared about high school and dropped out or graduated with a 2,1 gpa canceling all chances of college but I didn’t
I could have done drugs which I actually did when I was 18/19 but I didn’t like them because they made everything look like it was from a 3rd person pov BUT I could have ended up an addict and idk be living under twigs right now but didn’t
Alcohol yeah not going to lie I did really drown everything in booze go back to as early as 2018 and you’ll see me say I’m drinking which was a dumb move and now I’m pretty sure I’m going to to see the consequences of that in the future but -
For the most part I’m doing okay. I’m almost done with college, I have jobs that barely drag me through the month but it’s fine, and most importantly I am not dead. Idk I should be happy. Kind of ducked because I thought that by the time I graduated college I’d see my mom but I’ll never see her again realistically speaking. I just don’t understand how she just left and never came back and didn’t even give me a proper goodbye I was still not a kid but also not a fully developed teen either. It wasn’t my fault anything involving my dad’s college blonde fetish happened. The worst part is that I now live with the woman that made my mom leave because my dad kicked her to the curb as soon as she had my sibling.
-
Why do I even want to see my mom? She wasn’t a good mom? She knew what was going on with that person and she turned a blind eye while just hiding in her room watching shows and smoking cigarettes? I guess I just want to know how she could just leave everything behind so easily I guess.
-
Materialistic wise I won’t complain because growing up I had everything but having everything is not worth anything if what’s going on after everyone leaves and family members stay over and the night turns into your own personal hell. I also don’t understand how I was just thrown out while still borderline underage and told to fend for myself because they didn’t approve of my lifestyle?
And no I’m not making this be a boo hoo poor Jae their life is sadder than an orphan. No but like now that I am 21 and take care of my brother and have a mini family dynamic going on and have a job and go to college what my parents did seems so cruel? What the f--- was the point of base ball lessons at 6 years old or whatever other dumb toy I got if both my parents were aware of what was going on but didn’t report the person and most importantly didn’t check up on me? Getting every Barbie that was released didn’t stop that trauma from coming back to bite me in the ass in my twenties. Whatever happened to me last year in November completely messed up all the years my own brain tried to hide those memories and now I have them occasionally when I’m doing the most mundane of things and I don’t really know how to react sometimes because I don’t feel anything it’s just numbness -
A relationship? That’s off the table. I can’t handle anybody touching me or getting near me in more than a platonic way. At the same time I don’t like being alone because it is scary so I go into open relationships even though that’s not what I want. I am scared of people. I have legally a guy name, I look like a guy, I sound like a guy, I “ act “ like a guy, I even have a permanent not very full thin ratty little mustache fur whisker thing going on from before u stopped taking
no one really thinks twice about me when I walk down the street. But even with all the tattoos and piercings and the whole skater bulls hit thing I have going on I don’t feel comfortable or safe but that’s because in my mind I don’t feel safe. Like in person I look confident but I’m really not. I don’t know how I have myself so put together. My life is moderately fine now it’s just stupid stuff that happened during my development years that now wants to ruin things for me in my mind. -
This is early sunrise hours of therapy on gotoquiz apparently holy s--- I’m sorry
-
Let’s leave on a happy note because like I said I’m not those sad little orphans from that one show and book I forgot their names I don’t read one was named Honey or Sunny I don’t know
1) cat girl wanted to practice hair highlights before she did them on her so now I have highlights with a bit of like dirty blond because some spilled through the foils, 8/10 I feel like a different person and look a little happier with lighter hair. Also retouched my hair length and it’s back to just above the bottom of my ear.
2) she also bleached my eyebrows so now they’re kind of light blond I look so weird kind of like an alien but it’s cool I don’t mind she had fun and so did I.
3) my brother walks and knows who I am so yay -
I think that’s it idk I think so oh right i haven’t spoken to Nathaniel since he moved out I hope he is doing good it’s crazy how all it took was moving into a shared space for a high school friendship to fall apart
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
