No Subject
- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 24, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
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Realistically speaking I don’t think finding a job associated to my major is going to be easy
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I want to cry I can’t handle all this today it’s too much bad news at once.
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HES GONE HE MOVED OUT YES YES YES
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FINALLY THE ROOM TO MYSELF AND CAT GIRL
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Don’t move in with your high school best friend instead move in the same area or apartment building
He’s gone though so YAY -
Almost 7 years of friendship gone but whatever we were no longer good to be around
This is part of growing into your future I guess -
I don’t have heath insurance so I hope to god that I have food poisoning because if my appendix decides to go appendicitis mode I’m just going to let myself die there’s no way in hell I can possibly pay back a medical bill for a checkout let alone for a surgery
I’ve been throwing up and curled in a ball all day because my lower right side hurts and it’s hot and swollen this happened in 2019 as well and in 2013 -
I called out of work yesterday and now I think I will have to take today off last minute and hope that I don’t get fired jesus f--- it hurts like I’m getting stabbed
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It’s like someone is tattooing the inside organ portion of my abdomen holy s---
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I can’t move upright or out of bed without having this taste of phlegm like blood like flavor in my mouth and I can’t even bend down at all or else it feels like something on the right side is going to pop i literally don’t have any health insurance please I can’t do this right now or even go to a regular doctor to get a checkup because I’m willing to bet that even with an itemized bill I won’t be able to afford paying that back and the last thing I need is for me to have another debt on my back
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Holy s--- what if it’s my liver from all the drinking and substances I took from age 18-21
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The fact that my body stayed uncurled even in sleep is a red flag that it knew that if I scrunched up in my usual form I would be in even more pain
Do you know when the last time I slept Coffin mode facing the ceiling 10 years ago
My body is always slightly slouched. -
The most embarrassing part is that if this unfortunately is my appendix and not my liver or something stretched out or a hernia or bad posture
I have nothing to show for these 21 years I’ve been alive so far. All I’ve done is work retail from age 16 and go to university but I don’t even graduate this spring I am supposed to graduate next year. I don’t have a house I don’t have a significant other I don’t have anybody other than cat girl everyone else is married or out of touch because I isolated myself from all my phone contacts because my brain decided to wipe out November through December.
My mental health was doing getter too. I’ve been complaining for months now that my body had not been doing so good for the past few months now and I didn’t listen -
Do I think I am going to die? I absolutely hope I don’t because I don’t have enough money saved up for any funeral expenses and I lived a pretty s--- lifestyle and nutrition so even though I’m an organ donor on my card I doubt anything is useful anymore. I started smoking when I was 16 because I was a dumb--- and thought it made me look cool so there go my lungs . I don’t have 20 20 vision. And I’m pretty sure my liver has some type of damage with the amount of alcohol I would intake when I was a late teenager.
Jesus f--- you know as a 15 year old all I wanted was to die because I was a stupid little emo kid but now 6 years later I realize how expensive dying is and understand why there would be so many news of people performing surgeries on themselves but obviously failing and then dying anyway and thought they were stupid but now I get it because I am literally immobilized from the pain I feel and throwing up clearly having signs something is wrong but willing to take my chances with a ruptured something just to avoid a medical bill -
Imagine I actually die though and all I have left of myself are all my drunken s--- posts I would post on here instead of focusing the time I spent on here on creating something useful like my major implies I should be doing.
God this is so embarrassing.
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