~ Rhi's Official Thread ~
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 28, '18 3:54am
Thread Topic: ~ Rhi's Official Thread ~
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Honestly just want to cry myself to sleep rn but I cant...
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I hate living with them
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hey Rhi, I know you are probably not on right now but I just wanted to say hi, I missed you. You were a great friend when I was a really stupid newbie and helped me through a lot of stuff. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It does get better, though. I thought the hell would never end with my brother, but now he has cleaned up his life and has already finished a semester of college, when he used to be homeless and on drugs. So anything can happen, Rhi. You just have to wait out the storm for the light on the other side. I love you, friend
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Everythings better now...
Its kinda, funny though, we we were talking afterwards and apologizing to one another my dad mentioned that phrase, when it rains into pours
Like when everything in life just gets so overwhelming because everything bad happens at once, and it kinda makes it so your stress comes out all at once
I love that song Rainbow so much -
Oh my goodness hey Hicc! Ive missed you too! Always nice to see a familiar face around here. Thanks â¤
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Darling Im just trying to tell ya
That theres always been a rainbow
Hanging over your head
Its like a lullaby ☺ -
Had to start a rabies vaccination
Thankfully our insurance covers it
So stressed about money right now
Stressed with everything right now
And money would answer like 90% of my stress -
Anytime I think about my crush though I feel like I want to see him... he makes me smile. Even in a hospital room and I look at the clock, now clocks remind me of him because he has an analog watch which I love
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In a way this is bad because it shows I am beyond the point of return when it comes to him even though he probably doesnt even feel anything for me
And in a way it is also really good
Because like I said he makes me smile and I just cannot help but be happy when I think of him -
Why is it that my dad is always upset with me these days
Its like no matter what living with my parents always makes me feel like Im trapped in this state of helplessness
Whether that be because of money or clutter or just obstacle after obstacle
And if I ever express my frustration I get called arrogant and made out to seem like Im being disrespectful
Like today when i just said I want to be taught how to drive and he comes up with another problem that prevents me from being able to as it has always has been my entire life with anything and everything
But apparently Im just arrogant
My parents are not even a source of any of it and yet fights with them and the things they say hurt the most and make me hate myself he most
f---ing sucks
I f---ing hate living here
I f---ing hate it all
Im never f---ing living with them if I ever learn how to drive and have enough money to leave this godforsaken place -
There is nobody else who has ever called me the things my dad calls me
Belligerent
Arrogant
My whole life anytime I ever express emotions I get in trouble
So why bother at all -
Oh wow I was really upset last time I was here yea that day was depressing uh oh re
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Oh I remember what helped me cheer up writing to Mat but even though I was using my Calling Future notepad I told Calling Future I would write to Mat that entry even if he might not be him and might never see it I had to just that day because I like his presence and I wanted to imagine I was talking to him and just a date warning Im really high rn
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Not date warning fair
No but I was gonna ya if Josiah if u ever found this which wow if u did that really embarrasses me and actually I hope u didnt because you should not see everything here oh my goodness
And also because I want u to find it because I want to tell you I love you so much and miss you -
But I also have this feeling where if I had access to a time machine I woudont even use it because I like Mat so much you ughhh have no idea
And I want to be with him
If I had a time machine I might be tempted to check out the future 😂 but dats it. Maybe skip to the part where I get to be taken by the sky maybe thatd be fr8888
Also what the heck Anders I want to keep talking to u I dont care if were strangers u needs to talk to me and keep our conversation going so that I can hint to u that ur name is in that thing and that u and me maybe might yeah well I dont know thats why I need u to talk to about it but I cant because what if Im not supposed to tell anyone until after Ive married or like wouldnt that be bad not to tell my boy before were married that Im going to possibly be dying with someone elee lolololokililil no ? Okaaaiiii thats be weird
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