my new official thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: my new official thread.
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I just really need everything to be over now.
Okay bye, I am going to go do some mindless that won't let me think & doesn't aggravate my headache. (If such a thing exists ) -
Wow, so apparently you are supposed to monitor your own health levels when helping with someone through depression. That's probably where I went wrong the last time. In fact I did everything wrong the first time. Hopefully there will be no second time but who knows?
I need to bookmark this article.
http ://au.reachout.com/helping-a-friend-with-depression -
I have came to the conclusion that I really like this account, I think I might use it more often
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I don't even know how to express how I a feeling right now. I am stressed as hell with school and still a little hung over my self disgust. I a a fighting hard to not fall back into depression because I know if I do it will be a million times worse.
I a so mixed up and tense right now that I don't think I can stay online. I have a million things to do and I can't surrender to sleep.
I am going to take off for awhile and go sit in my closet loosing reality in a book.
I should be back in an hour or so depending on how I feel.
Also it is thundering outside and my battery is almost dead, if my tablet dies and I can't charge it I won't be on tonight. -
I am not going to to lie. I love this book so much.
I think I might come back on, there is no way I am doing any homework tonight because I am worn and tense.
Please don't be angry if I snap at you. -
I still really like this account.
I am going to post on it for awhile. -
The ground is comfortable, I might fall asleep.
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I have a four day weekend this week, but I think we are going camping with some friends.
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It's official, I am going to be hanging out with the Fraziers all day tomorrow and possibly Saturday.
Hopefully I will have time to do homework Sunday & Monday. -
My fwends in da pic :3
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Hey wendee
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So I have been thinking about when my personality shifted.
I think it changed last summer when I was refused into the high school group (even though I was in high school). All of my "friends" didn't want my friendship and those who did were looked down upon because they were still in middle school and didn't own I phones.
Now you have to understand that my youth group which consisted of most of my friends is really small, twelve people overall half of which are adults.
The only people I ever knew for thirteen yeas of my life was Sarah, who looks down upon everyone and is stuck up. I only ever wanted to be her friend my entire life and was always put down by her because she didn't care about me. Johnathon, who just moved here three years ago and is two years older than me (who leads a life of his own and we are more of acquaintances thee friends). Joshua, who has been my friend since I was three but doesn't associate with me much anymore and was also in the group of us who were being put down my Sarah and her "friends". Autumnskye, who is a cool, chill girl a little older than me but we still don't hang out much. Alex, who hates everyone and is venomous and pessimistic, he despises me and always put me down. (He still does to this day but I don't really care anymore). Alyssa, who is two years younger than me and was put in the "lesser group" by Sarah and Alex and everyone who thought they were cooler than us. (She is actually my best friend and is one of the only people I care to hold a friendship with irl). And kaylie, who stopped going to our church last year because her parents had issued, she was branded into the lesser group too. (She is also a good friend of mine and we have known each other out whole lives)
So overall, I really only had two people in the whole world who I could call my friends and I pushed them aside because I wanted the title I deserved (or thought I deserved at that time) in the high school group and everyone looked down upon kaylie and Alyssa and I hate being looked down upon with passion so I pushed them aside.
I then ate myself for months because I thought I had no friends.
My depression (which often included me crying my eyes out on my bed every other day) was caused by my own problems because I couldn't be content and satisfied with what I had.
But of course you have to realize that I had spent my entire life dwelling on this issue. I have been looked down upon my entire life and I can't really handle it. That's why what I am dealing with right now is such an issue, it focused mainly upon friendships and how others -and myself- looked at me.
I realize now that I have always been rather quiet around most people (though if I wanted to I could hold a lively conversation). Even when I was suppose ivy gabby and outgoing I remember being well-kept and quiet deep inside.
Over the last week I swear I have been called either pathetic, weak, slow, or branded with a mentally handicapped group over twenty times. And as I just got through elaborating, eats me up inside and makes me want to scream and throw knives at everyone.
And now that I am officially in the high school group this year it is all going to get a lot harder. Even on my first day up with the high school group everyone kicked me to the curb.
I don't really care about them anymore, they have made it really clear that they don't care to be my friend and look down upon me so I am just going to treat then equally and adequately, but I a, not going to make my same mistake and put myself in their way.
And if they tell me that I am not wanted by them again (because they have told me to my face) then I will tell them flatly that God made us all equal, and that I treat and look at them equally so if they have a problem with me the they have to being it up to God and that that's their problem. (Sadly if I have to say this I will blush and people won't take me seriously). I will also make a point to state that God and the pastor put me in this group, so if they have a problem with it then they talk to me, all I ask for is that you treat me like you would treat yourselves.
okay that is is, I am done now.
(Also don't try to help me with this because there is nothing to help with, I have had it under control for a year now and the foundation I set for this situation is just being tested.
You can't help someone on a test. -
Hi hicc.
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Ha, don't you just love it when people tell you they forgot you existed?
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I am going to redo my video because I am not satisfied with its quality .
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