my new official thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: my new official thread.
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HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME WENDEE! I AM BEGGING YOU! I WANT TO END IT SO BAD! PLEASE! PLEASE!
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What is the matter?
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MY SISTER! WE GOT INTO A PRETTY BAD ARGUMENT! NEXT THING I KNOW FISTS ARE FLYING, AND I'M IN MY BATHROOM WITH MY POCKETKNIFE! I CUT AND CUT WENDEE! AFTER THE ARGUMENT, MY SISTER WAS LAUGHING! LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED! I WANT THIS SO BAD! I WANT IT. I NEED IT. I WANNA DIE.
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Okay first of all, I need you to take all your blades and either dispose of them, or put them somewhere where you can. not. get to them. Then, I need you to realize that we are all sinners, but killing yourself because of sin is a unworthy move. You are stronger than this Jozy, you have held on for years now and you are not about it give it up. Stay strong
How? Start by talking to people,irl about all this, I need you to go up to someone who is a good listener and won't squeel on you unless you are very seriously about to make the dumbest move of you life. Then like I said,get rid of your temptations, remove all knives, pills, & other things that could worsen your condition and seriously get rid of them! Then, I need you to face your problems head on and don't be afraid of flying bullets because I promise you they won't hit,you unless you dodge or duck. -
I am done. Done being savannah, done trying, done waiting, done hiding, done lying.
I am sick of it all. I don't really want to live in reality, so I will probably just push myself into a position where I just sit on my bed all day and don't eat and don't care. I will just lay there making nonsense Fandoms that typically are really gory and will torment me till I break out my pastels again and sketch my ideal white marvel room with black tile where I lay in a pool of blood perfectly contrasting the wary lighting and white and black hard top.
Maybe I will just stay up all night doing this, I mean it's not like I sleep anymore. I can't sleep. Sleep brings pain and will push me eight hours into the future without my permission. Yeah, I don't think I want to sleep right now.
Maybe I will then after sketching my ideal agonizing death a8 portrait of me burning in a blue flame with the world standing watching with faces grim unsatisfied with my tormemt.
And then maybe I will sketch a freaktastic asylum with eerie gray walls and stitched dolls. I can then portray myself in the corner of that dreaded asylum with my head on my lap and hair covering my eyes.
And then after that I can sketch the one where I lie in the thick elective green forest puking up blood bleeding internally in an enteral wave of unbearable pain laying there tormented for enternity with the knowledge that no one will ever find me and that the pain will never leave.
And last but not least, I can scribble down a image of me sitting on my bed drawing image after image frustrated in a pool of hot sticky tears with a small red case just off the side of my bed that contains the rainy machine I am typing this on.
This seems like a good idea, I mean at least it will portray how I am feeling better than words could ever. -
I think I am going to get started on these. I feel like starting with the fire one.
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I give up. It's two o'clock here and I can't draw,
but at least i have a perfect image of it in my mind. Maybe I if I did some deep Internet search I could crop some images together to portray what is the tucked away in my mind. -
Actually, I think I can do the asylum.
It will take about an hour or so but it will happen -
Okay, so this was done at four in the morning, but for a tired job, I think I can honestly state that my asylum is actually fairly decent. -
I would start on my electric green forest scene, but I need a break from pastels. I am going to go create a gory storyline in my mind and create a fake reality.
I honestly don't care to see the gore of other people, but I am actually quite entertained by my own gory situations and am actually really enjoying this pain I am inflicting upon myself, in fact I am so involved with it that I can almost feel the pain.
Oh and it is four thirty, *sigh* only three more hours till daybreak. -
Oh and Alex, I am actually in love with skillet right now. I think I got over my weighing and conceded to humility.
I think I just got a bad impression of the band the first time around. -
Last thing, it is so cool when you are starving. Like I'm really liking this whole lacking sleep and food thing I have going. It is satisfying and will probably hopefully kill me one day if I am lucky. Perhaps I should restrain from water too.
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Okay, so I took a three hour nap.
And I am officially pitting up the thing that says that nothing i say after ten is valid. Because half the thing I said last night make no sense and I have no idea why I said them. (Except skillet though, I am still obsessed with that)
We are going to be at the Frazers all day again though,
Hopefully we get home a little sooner than we did last time, but the odds are we will probably be there till one again. -
Hi wendee. Are you doing okay?
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Ah, so I need to just go die.
I am not needed in earth right now.
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