My Special Place In Hell
- Locked by Carri04 on Mar 22, '22 11:17pmReason: :( Request
Thread Topic: My Special Place In Hell
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I want someone to...
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Why am I here? Why am I even here? Why couldn't I just die before I was born like my brother and big sister I never met!? Why couldn't I have a big sister? Why did I get stuck with such a crappy family?
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I'm f---ing ready to die. If I died tonight, I wouldn't mind.
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I want to kill myself. I really do. But I know I can't.
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I can't focus to draw, I don't feel motivated to tackle this math. I just want to sit her and die.
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I don't want to be here. It's not okay that I'm here.
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And I'm f---ing tired of having to take my medicine. It's nasty and I don't like it. And taking it makes me think of Alec and the way he used to tease me about how it tasted. I miss him so much, but I'll never be with him. Everything in life I so painful.
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All this lack of sleep is making me feel so unstable, but sleeping through the day isn't an option. Grandma doesn't let me sleep. She comes in the room and starts talking or she turns the TV or computer on and blasts it.
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And speaking of, she just turned the stupid TV on!
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I don't know what to do with myself these days. I don't feel like I'm worth all this. I just don't like being here.
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I feel like I'm just spending up my time since I'm forced to be alive.
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I don't feel useful or important either.
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I don't know how much longer before they put me out of my misery.
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I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I f---ing hate myself.
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Why won't the world just dispose of me?
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