What a dirty family.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:17pm
Thread Topic: What a dirty family.
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A leper is leading a normal life by scraping off his scabs and puss and putting it in jars in his closet. He's always mindful to hide them way in back, and keep the door securely locked so no prying eyes can find them.
Well, after leaving an aquantaince house sitting while he traveled to visit his parents who had suddenly fallen ill. In a hurry, he called one of his friends to watch his place, and make sure nothing happened. The houssitter came over and was watching tv, microwaving a burrito, and running the AC when the power dropped out. Thinking he had blown a fuse, he was looking in closets for the fuse panel. He came across a THE closet, and was fumbling around, and searching for the fuse panel, when the door somehow closed.
Two days later, the man returned to his apartment and heard muffled noises coming from the closet, he opened the door and out came his housesitting friend. Immediately the man started to appologize to his friend for him getting locked in the closet.
THe friend says, "Don't worry, I survived ok. Good thing you had those jars of potato chips and mayonaise in there, I would've been a gonner." -
A man is laying on his death bed when he sits up and moans to his wife, "I have something I have to tell you."
"Just lay back and get your rest," his wife says.
"No," the man says, "I have to tell you this so I can pass in peace. I slept with your sisters, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother," the man confesses.
His wife says, " I know, Honey. Now lay back and let the poison work." -
Doctor! I ate that little DO NOT EAT packet that came with my new shoes. Am I going to die?
Well Everyone's going to die eventually.
EVERYONE??? Oh God .... WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? -
XD Where do you find these?!?!
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@Sun Tis a secret :O until I finish then you guys wanna go back and read them.
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Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and
replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances come in white." -
Yesh.
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Guy goes into a whorehouse and goes into a room with a whore. They start making out, and soon during the foreplay he goes down on her. Awhile later he feels something in his mouth and he spits it out. It appears to be a chunk of carrot. He just shrugs and goes back at it. Again he feels something in his mouth. This time it looks to be a chunk of meat. Again he just goes back to what he was doing. A third time he feels something in his mouth, this time a piece of fruit.
Finally he asks "Baby, are you sick?"
She replies "No...............Oh, but the guy before you was." -
Two blondes are discussing future vacation spots. One blonde says, "I wonder what is closer-- Florida or the moon."
The other blonde smacks her friend in shock of her stupidity and shouts, "Can you see Florida?!" -
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the hell away from me
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A boy whale and a girl whale are talking when a pirate ship comes up. The boy whale says, "That is hte ship of the man who killed my father! Let us tip the boat over by swimming underneath it and blowing air out of our blowholes" The girl whale agrees and they tip the ship over. The captain and crew begin to swim away, and the boy whale says "The seamen are escaping! Let us eat them so they cannot harm anyone again." The girl whale says, "Look, I did the blowjob but I am NOT eating the seamen!"
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So Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court, and the judge says to Mickey "I'm sorry Mr. Mouse, but I can't grant you the divorce. I can find absolutely no evidence that Minnie is crazy."
To which Mickey Replies "I never said she was crazy, your honor, I said she's f---ING GOOFY!" -
O.O
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lol
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xD
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