What a dirty family.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:17pm
Thread Topic: What a dirty family.
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How did Helen Kelller's parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture. -
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue." -
xD oh my god that little boy is genius.
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What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint. -
X tries not to laugh X
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A robber walks into a sperm bank, goes up to a woman behind one of the desks and pulls out a gun.
'what do you want?' asks the woman
'go get a sperm sample' he then demands.
She goes to get a sample and returns with it.
'Now drink it' he says.
she drinks it, he then pulls off his mask to reveal that it's her husband.
'see it wasn't that f---ing hard' -
ive heard the paint one before, but it still made me smile :)
sperm bank one xD -
Ok, little johnny found a condom on the floor. He goes to his father and ask
"What is this daddy?"
So his father replies, It's a Twinkie *sigh* I will give you 10$ IF you collect all the Twinkies, the boy says O.K.! So he collects all the condoms, and the father gives him 10$. So Johnny goes to his mother and says, can we buy some ice cream? She says, where did you get 10$? Daddy gave it to me for collecting all the twinkies, but don't tell him I ate all the cream filling! -
oh dear god. xD that poor little boy.
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A guy walks into a bar.
"OUCH!!!!" -
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!" -
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?" -
lol
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Skrezinator walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks what he wants, and he orders five shots of whiskey. The bartender asks if something is wrong.
"Just the opposite," Skrez explains, "I'm celebrating my first blow job."
"Congratulations," the bartender says. "Five shots coming up. Did you need anything else?"
"No," Skrezinator replies, "that should be enough to get the taste outta my mouth." -
A leper sitting at a bar orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and upon looking at the man, he vomits. About 15 minutes later, the leper order another drink; the bartender serves him, and pukes after glancing at the man.
The leper apologizes by saying, "I know my condition is disgusting; I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
The bartender replies, "No, it's not your condition. The guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his chips in your wounds."
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