the hole that seems bottomless
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 19, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: the hole that seems bottomless
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i mean s---s gonna change whether i do or not, might as well change wtih it. i hate feeling so hurt, but thats life. things fail, people leave. but, the world keeps turning.
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f---ing fairytales
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I couldn't take it, couldn't stand another minute;
Couldn't bear another day without you in it
All of the joy that I had known for all my life
Was stripped away from me the minute that you died
To have you in my life was all I ever wanted
But now without you, I'm a soul forever haunted
Can't help but feel that I had taken you for granted;
No way in Hell that I can ever comprehend this
I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone
I was wide awake and feeling that they had to be wrong
How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay?
Now I'm trapped inside a nightmare every single f'ing day
It's like a movie, but there's not a happy ending;
Every scene fades black, and there's no pretending
This little fairy tale doesn't seem to end well
There's no knight in shining armor who will wake me from the spell
I know you didn't plan this;
You tried to do what's right
But in the middle of this madness
I'm the one you left to win this fight
Red like roses
Fills my head with dreams and finds me
Always closer
To the emptiness and sadness
That has come to take the place of you
I know you're broken down by anger and by sadness;
You feel I left you in a world that's full of madness
Wish I could talk to you, if only for a minute;
Make you understand the reasons why I did it
I wanna tell you that you're all that ever mattered;
Want you to know that, for eternity, I'm shattered
I tried so hard just to protect you, but I failed to
And in a prison of abandonment I've jailed you
I never planned that I would leave you there alone
I was sure that I would see you when I made it back home
And all the times I swore that it would be okay;
Now I'm nothing but a liar, and you're thrown into the fray
This bedtime story ends with misery ever after
The pages are torn, and there's no final chapter
I didn't have a choice, I did what I had to do;
I made a sacrifice, but forced a bigger sacrifice on you
I know you've lived a nightmare;
I caused you so much pain
But baby, please don't do what I did;
I don't want you to waste your life in vain
Red like roses
Fills my head with dreams and finds me
Always closer
To the emptiness and sadness
That has come to take the place of you
You're not the only one who needed me; I thought you understood
You were the one I needed, and you left me as I always feared you would
Would I change it if I could?
It doesn't matter how
The petals scatter now
Every nightmare just discloses
It's your blood that's red like roses
And no matter what I do
Nothing ever takes the place of you
Red like roses
Fills my head with dreams and finds me
Always closer
To the emptiness and sadness
That has come to take the place of you -
i dont wanna go to school
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thats not love. f--- you, that was wrong and you know it. over text, not even so much as a voice message or video. and seriously? youd rather end it than try to work on it? thats not f---ing love. you say you were walking on eggshells but how do you think i felt? i told you how i had to watch what i said around you just because you got upset at everything id try and say. i f---ing loved you with all my f---ing being but clearly you didnt, you couldnt even give me a decent f---ing breakup. you couldnt even f---ing give me a chance. you said youd never be able to live without me but you really didnt seem that upset now that im gone. but hey, what do i know? f---ing nothing apparently
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just goes to show that you cant trust anyone
and a pronise ring doesnt mean s--- -
i cant believe it actually happened
its so surreal
i thought she loved me -
at least give me a real reason. dont f---ing treat me like a villian just because i wanted to know why.
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so she just stopped loving me. but she couldnt tell me that herself. or even break up with me on a call. she had to wait until after she stopped caring in order to break up with me so itd be easier on her. or at least, thats my guess. we only knew each other for 2 and a half years now. i mean i knew you stopped loving me but i was too dumb to acknowledge it? whatever, but if you start dating alex im going to be ready for the biggest told ya so ever. you only ever mentioned his name for the past two weeks. why? you cant even tell me that you lost feelings?
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came back online to see how you’re doing before I leave the site for sure. but here’s some clarity:
1. I have no feelings for Alex, just because you are insecure of my friendships with a guy doesn’t mean I have feelings for him. grow up and stop being childish. he is a friend of mine and I didn’t have feelings and still don’t have feelings for him.
2. I broke up with you over text because I know I can’t verbally express my feelings without messing up. not only that.
3. I felt like it was a good time for me to break it off, every time I told you to work on your issues nothing worked, everything I did was wrong.
4. if you wanna know if I stopped loving you, yeah I did. I tried to continue something that was dying and I couldn’t handle it but I didn’t realize until I talked about it with someone.
I understand you’re hurt, but I do not want problems with you. this is the only time I will be responding to something you’ve said in here, I just wanna let u heal and let myself heal as well. -
im not starting problems with you, im just trying to figure things out. i ways tried my hardest to put you first and make sure you were happy and i always worked on what you said i needed to. you asked me to respect your space, so i did. i came on here where no one looks and shared my thoughts. but thanks for the clarity. and i understand not being able to properly express yourself in person, but just texts? im sad and angry so of course im spewing s--- but i just wish you couldve told me while it was happening. but whats done is done. i might be acting childish, but i guess thats who i am. i really dont know.
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I understand that, I apologize for coming into your own space. just wanted to check up on you, I apologize
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i mean of course im gonna be insecure, i told you about my insecurities and you usually shrugged them off. i have insecurities for a reason and one of my major ones was that youd lose feelings and break up with me. i'll admit a relationship goes both ways so its my fault too. but i never stopped trying.
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i understand that but i removed you on everything and deleted all the photos i have. you asked me to leave you alone and i shouldnt have messaged you after that, but lets just leave it at this. like you said, we need time to heal
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i just wish i didnt still love you.
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