the hole that seems bottomless
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 19, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: the hole that seems bottomless
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i probably couldve stopped it. if i tried harder, maybe. if i was a time traveller. or if i actually functioned instead being so damn brain dead all the time
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i keep getting told its not my fault but all my brain is saying is that it is. like maybe i couldve saved it, but if it died then it probably wouldve gotten worse. i mean its always something with me, usually that im too much to handle. that im too depressed or suicidal. only one person tried with that but they gave up.
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whats there to say? no ones listening, except maybe one person
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i miss you, and i wish this never happened. but as long as youre happy, then i wont bother you. i hope you have a great life, and i hope you meet someone perfect for you
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i feel u nothings the same anymore, nothing makes sense. except i didnt admit my girl to a mental ward, she just left me.
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please memory fail me now
stop reminding me off all the times. when it was still warm. im so cold now. -
i always said id trade my happiness for hers. i guess that day finally came
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i haven't had one in a while, hello. maybe that's cause i was getting better, maybe that's cause im just too stupid. honestly? im begging to die. my brain is screaming at me to hurt myself in really bad ways
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im mad at you, we couldve at least ended it better. it couldve been mutual, or we couldve just talked about it. at the same time im not mad, i just wish the best for you. i hope youre able to find the happiness i couldnt give you.
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it hurts so much. its all i can think about and i want it to stop. when i said i couldnt live without you, that wasnt a lie. but i guess that doesn't really matter. you dont really care and im not really there. thats how it always is.
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whyd you have to be so cold about it? its like it didnt even affect you. and im over here having dreams that youll come back and just things will kind of go back to normal. that wed be together again or you realized you made a mistake. but you didnt. you made a choice and that didnt involve me. as betrayed as i feel, im more so sad than anything. i cant stop blaming myself or thinking about you and i just want it to stop. at this point id sign up for a lobotomy so i wouldnt be coherent enought to remember.
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i remember how youd blow some things out of proportion. maybe the eggshells were one of them. im not saying your feeling weren't valid, just maybe exaggerated. we talked about it and i told you that i wasnt even upset all the time it just looked like i was. id notice you get how you do when you feel like somethings your fault, but just cause i was sitting there. it might sound like im trying to validate myself but im already the a--hole so why keep a filter anymore?
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somebody stop me from myself
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im sorry for everything. im sorry for not being enough, for being so depressed. i wouldve hid it or tried to ignore it if i knew. theres so many things i wouldve changed if i had known. i wouldve held your hand more, i wouldnt have been so playful. i wouldve kissed you every time i saw you and made sure my hugs were tight and long. i wouldve done anything. but its too late, im just left to wallow in self pity and "what-if"s
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ot seems like she just cut it. i could feel her drifting away but she kept telling me it was my insecurities and i kept blaming it on jealousy. it feels like she didnt give me a chance, she just didnt want to. like she didnt want to deal with me anymore. nothing id say would get through to her unless i was visibly upset. it just doesnt make sense. maybe i should just accept that you stopped loving me. but you were always the one talking about forever and how we were twin flames. how you couldnt wait until the day we got married, or when we could move in together and have our own place. i just cant believe it, like maybe if i kill myself ill wake up from this nightmare or coma.
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