The Internet Has Ruined Me.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 21, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: The Internet Has Ruined Me.
-
*The squad is talking about what it'd be like to open up a homemade Pokemon gym*
Ross, joking: Ophelia's just sitting at the end, juggling- fushigi-ing 2 glass balls, in super tight pants, just waiting for their kid delivery once they best their minions.
Ophelia: Well they would be Pokeballs. And also it's not a kid delivery. There's no f--king guarantee that a kid that comes into the beginning of my crucible makes it to the end of it undefeated.
Ophelia: In fact, I'm gonna stack this gym! With f--kin' pros!
Ophelia: It's- It's gonna be brutal. It's gonna be a torture gym.
Vivian: Well- Well what's the theme? Are you like- is it a bug theme, or like-
Ophelia: YEAH, VIVIAN. UH- UH- UH- UH YEAH VIVIAN. IM GONNA OPEN UP A BUG TYPE POKEMON GYM. YOU IDIOT.
Ophelia: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I WANT, BECAUSE I WANNA GIVE- I WANNA SH-T OUT BADGES FOR EVERY HAM AND EGGER THAT COMES TO MY FRONT DOOR.
Ross: *Cracking up*
Ophelia: YEAH, VIVIAN. 'Uhh, go Caterpie! >~>' That's me, you F--KING imbecile. 'Yeah go- uhhh- d-do your best, Kakuna!'
Ophelia: WHAT ARE YOU F--KING TALKING ABOU- Yeah a ~bug type~ gym.
Vivian:
Ross: Okaaay-
Vivian: Alright, um, I'm gonna go. I've embarrassed myself...
Ross: Maybe fire? Fire type?
Vivian: Yeah fire-based? Like- have fires?
Ophelia: Yeah, yeah I'll probably just- That's a good idea Ross I'll probably just do a fire type one... SO THAT ONE KID WITH ONE BLASTOISE CAN F--K UP MY WHOLE SHOP.
Ophelia: KILLED ALL OF US WITH ONE BLASTOISE, HUH? WOW. SH-T I SHOULD'VE-
Vivian: Just do rock, then! Just do rock type!
Ophelia, voice dripping with contempt: The same Blastoise . . . -
Ross: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Ophelia: The cow???
Ross: What?
Vivian: Ophelia, W H Y? -
Ross: What did you do with Vivian's body?
Ophelia: What didn’t I do with the body?
Ross:
Ophelia: Okay, that sounded more s-xual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully. -
Ross: *Screams*
Ophelia: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Vivian: Should we do something?
Ashton: No, I want to see who wins. -
Ross, about Ophelia: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.
Vivian: Are we stealing them?
Ashton: New or used?
Ross: Wonderful responses, both of you. -
Ophelia: You lying, cheating, piece of s---!
Ross: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Ophelia: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING VIVIAN WITH ME!!
Ashton, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now. -
Ophelia: Why are your tongues purple?
Vivian: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Ashton: I had a red one.
Ophelia: oh.
Ophelia:
Ophelia: OH-
Ross:
Ross: You drank each other's slushies? -
Ophelia: Care for another sundae, weenie?
Ross: I am not a weenie!
Vivian: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises their drink*
Ross: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.
Ashton: You tell ‘em, Ross! *sips their drink*
Ross: Ashton, what’re you doing here?
Ashton: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays. -
Jared: Don't worry, I got a plan.
Connor: Alright.
Jared: TraitorSayWhat?
Evan: Excuse me?
Jared: What?
Connor:
Jared:
Jared: No wait- -
Jared: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Connor: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.
Evan: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t- -
Wilbur: Wake me up…
Tommy: Before you go go!
Tubbo: When September ends…
Techno: WAKE ME UP INSIDE- -
Tommy: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Wilbur: Not if they consent to it.
Techno: Depends who you’re stabbing.
Tubbo: YES?!? -
Wilbur: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Tubbo: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Techno: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Tommy: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Tubbo: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands. -
Wilbur: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Tommy:
Techno:
Tubbo:
Everyone Else At Wilbur’s Surprise Birthday Party:
Techno: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first. -
Tommy: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Wilbur: What?
Techno: That you're a child.
Tubbo: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
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