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- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 24, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
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Saying it took her a while but that she had a surprise for me and what do I hear on the other line my mom my f---ing mom after ALL THESE YEARS my mom why now really what made you think that right now was a good time to drop this bombshell on me I mean I appreciate it because I wanted this but mentally I was not prepared for everything she told me
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And it’s not her fault i get it she was being gaslit by him and abused and manipulated so of course her mental health was s--- and now I understand why I wasn’t supposed to exist in the first place and holy f---
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Did you guys know that my mom was supposed to take me with her but she couldn’t because My dad told her that he would personally find a way to get her arrested for the illegal anti depression medication she was still taking HE USED HER MENTAL HEALTH RECORD AGAINST HER
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Not only that but when I was in the same city as her for my first semester the reason she never reached out to me was because she was threatened by my dad still who TOLD HER I was doing better now that she wasn’t in the picture?????
Mother f---er I was homeless and chose that university because my whole goal was to find my mom you’re telling me she knew where I was and what I was doing the whole f---ing time and you literally saw me drink my feelings away and you didn’t say s--- to me because you were afraid I was going to cut you off completely as well -
And because your whole plan this whole time was to dump Ana the moment she had my brother because she was no longer a f---able object since she was a mom you didn’t want to be alone so what better way than to occasionally offer your offspring a crumb of gratitude every so often so I wouldn’t fade away completely
Why the f--- did you not let me go with my mom if your plan was to throw me out in high school explain that Mark -
I am livid.
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I think I’m about to relapse and just go buy a bottle of tequila and some cigarettes there is so much more but it’s too much and possibly triggering to discuss on here I can’t wrap my head around it I don’t give a s--- about either of them I just
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I could have been a different person if my mom would have taken me with her and ran off with me when I was 5. If he hadn’t found her I could have turned out fine. I could have had a family by now and possibly be able to connect with people. I would probably still have unresolved issues, but nothing like what I have now. I am not an okay person I have year round depression, I have a disease only dumb asses get, and I’m a former alcoholic. All at the age of 21. What can I possibly do to fix my life at this point? The memories of everything that happened to me growing up they’re there and I clearly was not able to handle it in November what on earth makes me think you know what I don’t know I just feel bad for 5 year old me.
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She still stayed and then bam divorce time and she could have taken me with her and thanks again to him I couldn’t go with them. I don’t know what to do with the rest of the information she gave me and frankly I don’t care about seeing her in person for reconciliation or whatever. I am not the teenager she last saw physically or mentally. I wanted closure and I got it but it’s not when or how I wanted to get it.
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Who would have thought my day would go from talking about training Alex during my lunch break to actually mentally breaking down and getting my version of events completely evaporated in just a matter of hours.
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And you know what it’s not even that because I know she knew if she really wanted to she would have fought to take me but I get it personal survival instinct because she didn’t even know I was going to that university she left long before I could tell her what my career plan was it was just because of my decision of going to that state that she found out about me but if she really wanted to she wouldn’t have cared and she would have tried to contact me
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So you’re still not getting mother of the year let me go do an emotional montage about us meeting bulls hit.
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And I get it I only happened to exist because you had no say or choice and I know that must be horrible but f--- man I I don’t know I don’t personally like Ana but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a flaming ass to my brother as he grows up because his mom is a home wrecker it’s not his fault just like it wasn’t my fault either I didn’t choose to be born
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She was really okay with never contacting me again because it meant her ass was saved from jail or whatever bulls--- she told me. I don’t like my parents they’re the perfect example of why certain people only work together as long as there are no children in the picture
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iT dOeSnT mAtTeR wHeRe yOuRe fRoM bUt wHaT yOu cAn dO tO mAkE yOuRsElF bEtTeR tHan wHeRe YoU sTarTeD
Okay Jessica but nobody talks about how to deal with the emotional trauma you get from where you came from I don’t know where to hide those memories i don’t want them but they are there and the first time if happened nobody believed me then later on I don’t know if New Zealand has different laws or something but that person didn’t get any punishment either the only way I felt safe was by oh my god
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