No Subject
- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 24, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
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My shift for the server started gtg bye
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It just occurred to me that people other than myself can die and it unsettled me.
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I don’t mean that as a oh I’m a psychopath ooo scary cringe bulls--- way I mean
What if you go to a secondhand store yeah -
And you find a really cool shirt and it says made in 1980
That was 41 years ago right -
So that means that if they were teens Hugh school age in the 80s wearing that most likely
The previous owner of the shirt should be in their early 50s -
That person could be dead.
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Assuming you have a good connection with your family members like a grandparent or parent they will one day die too.
See usually I live so wrapped up in the moment and only think about my issues that I don’t stop to think about stuff like this it sounds stupid because other people are aware of this concept from a young age and I guess a am too I just never really sat down in the dark and thought about it. -
What would I do if my parents died because they are definitely older than the age I just said? I don’t have an emotional connection there but they’re still my parents right? Like it or not I will feel something.
The day I get the news I think I would spiral into addiction again so I hope to god that they live for another 10 or 15 years I don’t have any accomplishments to show for myself and I am already a let down compared to what they wanted for me the least I can do is have them know I got a degree and maybe have a stable relationship by then and a job
This is stressing me out so much what would I truly do -
I guess there is some form of connection there if I feel something dumb---.
I don’t know I feel anxious I need to get my life together and I always say that but then I don’t follow through -
My mommy issues are frankly disturbing it’s not even in a sexual ironic or depraved way it’s disturbing because i seek validation and approval and serving women that are older because I crave getting a compliment from them or a warm smile it sounds so desperate and creepy but it’s not it’s sad honestly but I don’t know how to fix it well I do if I can ask my mom why the f--- she left me and didn’t take me with her no it’s not that the thing that would fix me would be asking myself why do I have this obsession with having a mom if I only have a few good memories of her like there wasn’t ever any bond there she made it abundantly clear I was not supposed to exist and because I did my dad left her for another person which is bulls--- because even if I was never born my dad would have left her because he’s a man child so why do I care about getting her approval or answers even as a grown adult
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I said my mommy issues are not sexual I’m not Freud gotoquiz mods don’t ban me
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I really spiraled into a crises over a $2 shirt from the 80s.
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At least this issue brought me awareness that other people exist.
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I should really go to sleep before I dig deeper into my psychological issues and complain like a little b---- about stuff I should work on fixing within me but I don’t think I will sleep yet
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The concept of me dying doesn’t scare me I have literally not given a care in the world about living since 2015 all this is just extra time for me but for some reason the idea of somebody I know dying of old age or of health or any other way worries me so much
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