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- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 24, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: No Subject
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My playlist isn’t helping with this feeling either lol
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I cleaned the whole house last night instead of sleeping because I wasn’t able to sleep
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But I still feel sad. I am doing my assignments but I feel sad. Sad like I want to cry sad not just I’m sad sad.
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So I was like okay cry then dumb f--- and bam I should have had a casting director around I literally started crying on cue just like that and I cried for about 20 minutes in the back room while I hypothetically looked for a product but even after crying I still felt sad
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WeLl wHaTs wRoNg wItH tHaT jAe wE aLl kNoW iTs mEntAl iLlNess
Yes but idk how to say this
I don’t cry unless I have a reason to cry because a sad event happened or when I used to do the drinking and the partying because I am a drinker crying person that tells everyone they’re a great person whenever I was approached by anyone concerned
I HAVE NOT touched alcohol or had any hormonal or sad events or misfortune stuff or even stressful thing to cause me to feel like this -
This is weird. Especially because I was Sarah Paulson crying for absolutely no reason. This can only mean one thing
I need to go back on anti depression medication but I can’t because that can’t be taken at the same time as the other more important thing I was told to take for my actual important issue -
Honestly with the amount of pills I have in my possession I can easily become a campus dealer. I’m more concerned with side effects the medication I mentioned in taking gives me
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Wait is this a side effect? I haven’t checked that I can tell you that not being able to sleep, nose bleeds, and feeling thirsty all the time are the only three side effects I’ve been experiencing.
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What have I done so far today
I cleaned the house at midnight and finished at 2:30 am
I took a shower and went to bed at 3:30 am
I woke up at 6:30 am and got ready for the day
At 7:40 I ate breakfast
At 8:00 I logged onto zoom lecture ended at f--- what time did it end I think at 9:45 I’m pretty sure I don’t know
Then I drove to work which is super close to where I live then I clocked in at 10:30 am
I did my shift and break and shift then I got out at 5:30 which let me tell you I’m super lucky because my manager usually gives people 3 or 4 hours and only calls us in 2-3 days a week so I’m not complaining
Now I’m just at home on zoom again for my pm class
Which I normally pay attention to but I don’t care about today because I feel sad and it’s an easy course the only -
f---ing reason I’m on right now is because this is one of those classes where attendance is part of your grade which I get is supposed to be an extra boost at the end because it’s something super simple but it’s really not some of us work
So yeah I sometimes miss this class but like I said this is just a mandatory thing so I’m okay with missing those spare points because with assignments I can make them back -
MILF love is trending online I am so happy that way all of my friends are finally at my level and can stop judging me for only dating older women they’re literally snacks man
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News any new news not really oh remember the girl I mentioned that invited me during the holidays to an event and to ask me out but I ghosted because it was during my top 100% worst depression episode during my adult years
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Yeah she came in today to buy something and she tried to make small talk but the chemistry just wasn’t there. She is my type but like idk something is missing and her telling me to go f--- myself which was valid ig bc I did ghost her makes s--- even weirder
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No but she was like oh I had not seen you in a while and I was like yeah you hadn’t stopped by in a hot minute and then she said she liked the new haircut and I was like thanks
No like she was attractive she tried a new shade of like mint green? I don’t know f---ing color names but her hair was a new tone and I wanted to compliment it back but I just
Idk man I don’t want her to think it’s me hitting on her or being interested in a friendship again.
She gave out like 2 more compliments another one again like the first time we met about how she loved my hazel eyes or something cringe like that and the last one about my left eyebrow. She was like -
Oh did you get that one pierced too? And I was like yeah.
Obviously I wasn’t about to explain to her that whenever I’m not feeling okay I go get a body mod so I just said that and scanned her things. I felt so bad because looking back I sounded like an ass but f--- man idk something is off
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