my new official thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: my new official thread.
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So it turns out that one does better in school when they get more than four hours of sleep....
Anyways, I got my chance to talk to Kaleb today. I told him it want his fault and that Sydney just wanted to do her own thing, he (like anyone would) said that it was actually his fault because he cut himself and she couldn't handle that. I don't see how that works out seeing as all the pieces add up to her just being a player who was done with Kaleb.
But I am getting a little worried because he has been really friendly to me all day and makes an effort to sit by me and talk to me which is fine, but I don't know how to make it any clearer that I won't date him. Also seeing as kena picked up on his clingy habit right away and asked him if we were dating. (But like serous though, he just got over his ex, I am not that low as to go in and date someone just because they don't have a gf anymore. Let alone date)
But Sydney is in fact that low, on the way down the stairwell after school I heard her cry with joy and say "yes! I am not single anymore!!!" right after breaking off with this guy she was talking to.
I wonder now how I forgot that she was so slutty.
But anyways Kaleb told me he feels better about it now because he spoke with the student counselor and his parents. -
I need to tell kaleb discreetly next week not to be so clingly. If he doesn't knock if off he is going to give us both bad names.
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I am going to get going, if you want to talk to me either email me or text me.
Email might not work though, not if I can't get my stone age phone to let me on. -
Okay, I am finally pulled over the edge.
I listened to this song and then to this skit..
I am broken again and that is a good thing.
I guess you can figure out why...
Anyways... I am going to go cry my eyes out and watch my favorite skit in the universe again.
See you guys next week. -
Turns out I am going to a birthday party today that I didn't know about. Our party.
I probably won't be on until late tonight, if I come on at all.
Oh and when I say our party I mean two of my brothers and mine.
I practically share a party with my brothers because our birthdays are like a day apart each.
I wonder though, because apparently app all of ,your family knew about the party but I didn't... -
I don't think I will be on tonight, I a going to spend time with my family and race my brothers on nfs & kill them all in farcry.
I haven't played video games in forever. -
Wow, just wow.
I think today was one of the best days I have had in months.
I swear into a the best feeling getting to hang out and feel like you belong with two of your best friends who you have know forever. I got to talk to my good friend-who has always been there for me and has always had a hearing ear- about everything that I have been going through, and I asked her to help me, she gave me a real warm hug and I swear that is the best thing I have felt in forever. I missed her so much.
I am sick of not being able to relate to people though, and I found that I was in heaven with my friends who are exactly like me in so many ways. I used to hate this. I am sick of not being able to relate to people, in fact this sickness within me was growing so much that I was going to make myself relate to people by going through crazy things Tha to shouldn't have to go through just to understand them better.
But my mind is wandering in a million directions, I have had too much time to think. My anxiety is crazy and I can feel my heart spike every time I think about all that is killing me from the inside out.
My friend know me so well, I told her that it was killing me that I can't help people. She said that she knew this because I always want to help everyone. But I can't stand not being able to help Alyssa with her crazy family life as her divorced father is moving down and her mom finally decided to date someone, and it kills me that I can't fix my friend who burnt herself bad when cooking with oil and is struggling as her parents health continues to drop. And I can't love knowing that I can't help you with your problems, or batman with her's.
Prove me wrong, show me ways I can help because if I can't find any then I have no reason to stay. If I can't fix people then my life has no purpose. -
And people have got to stop talking about cutting. It is making me think way too hard and I don't want to start.
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I am so happy that you were able to have a day away from me today alex, you seemed a lot happier.
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I really don't think I can handle much more of this.
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I am going to church now. I have a feeling that we will be out all day so you guys probably won't see me tonight,
have a good day without me. I am glad you can enjoy yet another evening without my burden. -
I really, really, need help.
People claim that I cuss, even though I don't remember doing it. I find that I am always mentioning cutting & suicide in everything. My grades are screwed, I always want to scream, it cry, but all I can do is just stand there breathing slowly waiting for my heart to slow down, and all of this is just the after effects.
I am suicidal again, I keep thinking about it and cutting too. If someone doesn't help me I will do things that I will regret.
I am scared, I don't know what happened to the old happy me, she won't show herself. -
If only I could get out every thought that he spawned in my mind today....
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Excuse me, can I come in?
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Yes..
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