my new official thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: my new official thread.
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So for starters, this is probably going to kill your image of me but I was all of the trolls/spammers you suspected I was.
All of just about everything that I say is a lie, or so I fear it is I am not too sure. I fear that my self indulgence made everything a lie.
This whole thing that I am going through right now has nothing to do with anything I have claimed in the past it is my spiritual battle that I am facing that substances around one rebellion that I pursued last month. When I said I needed to leave after purity retreat I really needed to, but I kept vouching for one more day and I hooked myself again. When my dad gave me his Playlist I started to indulge in secular music, and I continued to push against everything I knew I had to do. I hooked myself on my kryptonite, ltwyl, this pulled me over the edge.
I have been pushing and screaming and all this time I have been causing such a fuss over something so simple, something that I need so much strength to conquer yet I won't ask for the strenth. I am a p prodigals son and as much as I don't want to be and know what is right I won't change.
What I really need help with is surrender.
What else have I lied about...
I can't think of an thing else -
Wow, so I woke up really late today and was almost late for school.
Turns out Sydney broke up with Kaleb, I can't say I wasn't expecting it but I am not glad I happened either, I want to talk to Kaleb about it but what do I say? Also I don't want to seem like I am putting myself in his way just because he doesn't have a gf anymore. (But I have numbed my emotions for him so I am not really crushing in him anymore)
I have a lot of homework so I won't be on much today.
We had debates today and I swear I lost. Like seriously, I was anticipating having any of the freaking people in my group but the person I got. I was totally unprepared for his debate and fell flat on my face.
But then I got home and there was a donut waiting for me and presents. I flipping forgot about presents. I am happy though because I got a million books and a mandarin speech book. I also got a piano book.
Oh and I have really bad anxiety now, I will start hyperventilating for no reason out of the clear blue and I have to calm myself down. -
I am going to keep raising my heart rate and blood pressure if I keep eating mustard by the spoon and can't figure out why I have this anxiety.
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I feel nauseous now, vinegar really upsets your stomach.
Maybe I will go out and buy a jar of pickles after this, I love vinegar.
(Or maybe someone ought to tell me that it isn't a good idea to be eating so much vinegar and that I am to get really sick if I don't stop, my mom isn't here to tell me not to eat it so I have nothing restricting me.)
But if no one wants to say that that's cool too, I love mustard & pickle juice. -
Heck! If I run out of mustard then I will go get the distilled vinegar out of the pantry and chug it.
Damm, I am going to give myself a heart attack. -
I'm on again.
And falling again.
Someone I haven't seen on forever but always was a great friend could die because of a f---ing brain tumor. .. That one fact makes me feel like total s---...now add on all the crap otherwise that's been going down lately. .. My lifr is getting into another s---ty phase, damnit.
I need a hero
to save me now
this is more true now than what has ever been
And now I have no one... -
Before I say anything, let me just say that you ate Damm lucky I came online thirty seconds ago, but I won't be on long (or maybe I will be idk) and I will probably misspell a lot of words because I am really jittery.
hi,
Why?
Frick, that is really bad, and horrible. I will pray for your friend and you.
turn to God, not music.
I know how that is,
Self deception is my job, -
That's fine. I'm not really up to talking anyway.
Hey..
*lists [seriously] 10 reasons]
Thanks...in case you're wondering her name is Cassie...
God has never helped me. Music reflects how I feel, so I listen to that instead of happy music because really happy music just makes me feel worse and sick to my stomach.
And I have a way different job. One not for people like me. -
Oh, that might be better...
:/
That's doesn't really help ...
Oh, I know a Cassie.
Sadly, if that is the way you feel about this then I can't talk to you about my problems anymore.
But you said you aren't human. -
Yeah...
:-l
hm...cool I guess
But I'm only stating the truth. He may have helped you but He has never helped me even after over a year of pleading.
Generic word, Wendee. It'd sound weird if I said "One not for beings like me" -
Not really, I mean if you don't want to talk then that is fine, but I was sort of looking forward to talking to you all tonight.
Elaborate maybe?
Not really, sorry, I am just trying to make light of things.
I highly doubt that is true. Self deception again alex, don't do this.
I figured... -
Meh then I will but don't expect 'proper' grammar cause I'm definitely not up to that task...
doing so would only make it worse, really
It's fine, I understand. .
Was He there when 3/4 of my relatives passed? No. Was he there when I first went to school and got treared like a total s---ball? No. Was He there every time I feel worthless because of what these people are doing to me? No!
Yeah. -
And if He really cares as much about me as everyone says he does, then why did He make me born with the eyes I have? People are always saying on how it's an obstacle to overcome like everyone else's problems, but tje thing is, there not like everyone else's problems, I will never overcome a part if my own body and it has created absolutely nothing positive other than great night vision that I never get to use and is totally worthless in the modern era.
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It's okay alex, I don't expect everyone to use immaculate grammar 24/7, I can't do that so why should I expect everyone else to. Besides, I have crappie grammar today too.
Olay then don't, but don't be like me and only say something is wrong but not state what it is.
:$
He WAS there when your relatives passed, AND HE was the one who took them, it was their time to go, and remember death is a comma, not a period, so it would be like if God called me away from gtq, I wouldn't be gone, I just wouldn't be with you. He was there, if he wasn't and you didn't care about God you wouldn't have been in the situation that you were in. Explain To Me Why You Felt wothless. -
meh.
A lot is wrong, Wendee. And talking about it is just going to cause a rockslide.
._.
Humanity is a disgusting species, and the end of it that I get is always the grossest.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
