I've been lying to all of you.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:18pm
Thread Topic: I've been lying to all of you.
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I'm alone.
those friends? one secretly hates me, the rest have a history of betrayal that i'm afraid they'll cross me.
my parents? they can't stop fighting long enough to realize my little brother is terrified and that I've been trying to die. I lost 5 pounds because I haven't eaten. and I don't want to sleep, I try as hard as i can not to. Why? because those terrible subconscious nightmares make me get up in the morning wanting to hang myself in the room.
on top of that, I've cried more this past week than I have my entire life, I bottled everything up and it exploded today. symptoms showed up last year and i didn't break down til now.
I help everyone with their problems, everyone expects me to do all that and be awesome. like superman.
I have no one to lean on, no one who will hold me, no one to stop me from killing myself, no shoulder to cry on, no emotional release
cryign doesn't help me
drawing doesn't f---ing help me, i could draw a tear-jerker and feel absolutely nothing about it. I've debated 5 times now about whether i should give up art or not.
screaming would get me arrested
breaking things would get me kicked out of my house
killing is illegal
self harm would make people notice (f--- that, I've been doing that forever, my usual way doesn't leave scars. that's why no one has caught on.)
There's only two people in real life I know that actually cares: my counselor, and my homeroom teacher, whom is excessively worried and brings me to the counsellor because everytime he sees me, I'm crying my eyes out.
my mother is suicidal and in constant pain, my father is....I don't even talk to him. everyone in the family is scared of him but me.
my little brother is ignorantly bliss
I want to die
what else can I say? I bet you all think I'm just being a f---ign whiney b---- right now about trivial and bulls---ty problems, cuss me out, I don't care right now.
there is one picture drawn that depicts exactly how i feel, but I won't post it due to the fact it breaks one of the GTQ rules, and you wouldn't even bother look anyways.
I feel like most of the people who care about me are only connectable through internet and phone connection. I love you guys. I truly do. I hope you guys do too, but I doubt that.
THERE. YEAH. HAPPY GO f---ING LUCKY TINGY ISN'T SO f---ING AWESOME RIGHT NOW.
/END RANT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY f---ING SENSE AND IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. -
and i didn't even f---ing check over this goddamn thing, i bet you half of this doesn't make any sense.
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I'd give you a hug but I'm kind of afraid to. :( I'm sorry. And I wub you!
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*HUGS*
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*hugs*
can we please see the picture... I really would like to. -
*Huggle*
:,(
Please show us picture...
WAIT.
YOU COULD POST IT ON DEVIANTART AND THEN POST THE LINK ON HERE.
**Winning** -
Tingy.. You always have me to talk to. If you ever need to talk to me in private, you have my phone number. You have FB with me. If you think no one will talk to you, just remember that I do care.
I really hate that you feel this way. You're a wonderful person, really you are. But you get so much bullcrap that you don't deserve, I really wish I could hug you and comfort you with more than just words on a screen. -
Ting, first of all I must say that I love you so much. I don't care if this is 'just the internet' and a quiz site. You are truly one of best people I've ever met. None of this is just me talking. I love you and want to meet you someday.
I know it doesn't help any to say this, but I know how you feel. Dx When I lived in Hawaii, I kept up an act so pretty much everyone thought I was okay and normal, while I was sobbing on the staircase until my lungs hurt. I was so alone and trying to hold on. My dad was having problems, much like your mother. Seeing your parent close to wanting to commit suicide is one of the most hurtful hits you can take. Feeling helpless and worthless because you don't know what to do to help them. But honey, don't let yourself get run down because everyone demands help from you. You're overwhelmed and depressed, exactly how I felt when things were piling up. You need to tell people that you want to help them by getting someone else who can focus their time and energy to help them. You deserve time to be able to take care of yourself.
I know I've said this many times before, but don't kill yourself. God Ting, there is so much potential and beauty inside you, that you're a pure gift to this world. You're a hero to me. I've been at rock bottom before too but I know that it does eventually get better. It really does. Life is like a mountain and we have to just keep on climbing.
I love you, and I wish I could really be there to give you the biggest bear hugs and wipe your tears. That I could make you something good to eat and do something fun to take your mind off your troubles. I really wish there wasn't the distance. xC But I vow to someday meet you, and all of my lovies. You're priceless to me. Never forget that. -
*hugz* I know I mean nothing to you, but I love you and I hate you feel that way too.
Plz see picture? -
alice, we're chatting on iscribble if you want to join us.
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Despite wanting to cry my eyes out, I'm still very self conscious about what could be the worst picture I'v ever drawn.
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You haven't any worst pictures.
D: I'm so sorry. My mommy side is screaming to take you away from all of your pain and suffering. -
I commented.
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Carri: Pretty pic. :( I hope things get better eventually.
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Ting, Dont kill yourself. D:
Ana has already said this but you have lots of potential and beauty. And Id probably die of sadness if you ended it all. I know how you feel and things eventually get better.
I loves you Tingy, please be happy :\
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