hudson me boy
Thread Topic: hudson me boy
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i was sad today, and i did a great job keeping it to myself. it's a problem for me to keep my feelings under wraps often, but i'm getting a lot better. it managed to improve my mood a little, too. i notice most people don't care when someone's feeling negative emotions as long as they're feeling positive ones
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i discovered that a couple of years ago, which is when i chose to keep everything personal, personal, but i think it's also a forgotten social norm i need to relearn
it's really interesting. i wonder if it's part of human nature
i don't have a lot of faith in us if that's the case -
anywho. i've been getting into more books after not having touched one since the dinosaurs walked the earth
it's nice -
mainly j.r.r. tolkien. he's the only writer that appeals to me really
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i wish i didn't have to be here
i don't want to live here
i can't imagine how it is for people who've had worse, i'm very sorry to those people -
when i get to school on monday ill talk to the school counselor
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hey you know, it’s okay for me to feel this way. it’s valid for me to feel angry and sad cud of an old energy vampire
the importance in realizing that not everything’s downhill is super crucial too tho. i wouldn’t kill myself, not when there’s plenty other things and people in life who support me and look up to me
i shouldn’t try to suppress my feelings otherwise it’ll come out in much more unhealthy manners. instead i should try to resort to healthy outlets for stuff i enjoy, like drawing, writing, or making music
it’s common for the human mind to focus on the negatives. i’d say i’ve gotten far more compliments compared to insults this month, but still it’s easiest to focus on the negatives, since naturally as humans we’re adaptable and with adaptations it’s our goal to fix the negative aspects of things
but when you focus too much on the negative aspects, it’s way too easy to lose sight of the positives. 3 people called me pretty this month, 1 called me kind, 1 said i had a very expressive face, and some more complimented my outfits:))
and also, it’s not just compliments that make up the good in ourselves. in fact, that’s only external validation which is totally insignificant, but definitely nice nonetheless.
the nice things in life are the things you can free fully enjoy and that give you happiness, such as your favorite drink, favorite social activity, favorite song, the sound of someone you love’s voice, michael jackson (EHEE HEE) etc etc -
i have the wrong current perspective for things is all. luckily stuff like this is moldable
begone sad emo shoo nobody likes u fr -
“i take the phrase ‘i love you’ very seriously’
so you don’t love me lol -
that’s fun to know and that’s okay i guess
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im not brushing aside your feelings, i acknowledge the fact that i might’ve made you feel a certain way by giving you side eyes and being disrespectful by not doing the things you’ve told me to do but i feel as though you overreacted much worse than i did and could’ve definitely handled the situation better. still as it is
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one day in particular you kept telling me to do all the tasks you could’ve easily done which were literally two feet away from you, such as getting YOUR laundry out of the washer/dryer cud i was trying to start my own load of laundry when you were right by it
then telling me to close a door when you’re closer to it than i am
then telling me to pick something up when it’s right under you
that didn’t feel pleasant, it made me feel really disrespected actually. so when you told me to clean my room, I didn’t do it not cud I was trying to purposefully be disobedient and immature, but cud I was tired and angry. I needed a breather for a sec :// -
then on the ride to school the next day you gave me an entire rant complaining to me about me. saying I’m “immature and irresponsible”, that I “put more emphasis on my makeup than I do to be obedient”, that “ill never make it in the real world if I can’t even make it in the household”
that also wasn’t pleasant to sit through and I had to swallow my pride and bite my tongue very hard so I wouldn’t snap at you -
then the next day I just said “check out my drip” while showing off my dirty shoes to lighten the mood and instead of ignoring me which might’ve been fine, you overreacted
“uhm, it’s called shoes? speak in a language we can understand. see, this is what public school is doing to you”
and this type of language was acceptable before i got into public school, but afterwards now it’s suddenly a problem ://
and apparently me ranting about sports and my friends is also a problem? at least that’s what it sounded like since you placed more emphasis on that -
you might’ve meant something else but i interpreted that as you stating that I couldn’t be myself around you, otherwise i was unloveable which is where my dirty side eye came from
it was true to an extent though, cud every time i say i love you, you just ignore me
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