Vent thread I'll probably forget about
Thread Topic: Vent thread I'll probably forget about
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Woah I reread the first page I made on here
it's been 9 months and nothing has changed- -
Genuinely didn't realize how much Florida traumatize me
It wasn't florida that was the problem (it was really great actually) it was everything that happened while I was gone that scarred me and everything that happened once I came back -
And then I feel selfish and like a narcissist for treating what happened while I was gone like it was a scary experience for me and making it about me
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Woah I don't think I ever talked to my therapist about florida or just february in general
That was a mistake- but now it feels stupid to bring it up because it's been so long since any of it happened and we have better things to do with our time -
Ack idk when we're supposed to turn in our requests to audition for Hello Dolly
It's either this Friday (*cough* TODAY) or next Friday, but it's been such a chaotic week that I haven't had time to get my parents to sign my slip -
And it's not their fault, it's completely and totally my own for wasting time. I've just had so much homework and tests (I had 5 tests and 1 essay) and it's just been chaotic trying to study for all of them, do all the homework, AND find time to get my parents to help me out
and honestly I don't even know if I want to do it. I know it's my 'job' since I'm in advanced theater, but I just don't know how much time I'd be able to dedicate to it, and the whole reason I was going to do this play was to find out if I prefer stage crew or being on stage best -
Genuinely on the verge of checking myself into a mental hospital at this point
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And I keep trying to galisght myself to believe that at least it's not as bad a February
It's just as bad as february. Honestly, it's worse. At least with february the only person I had to worry about not seeing again the next day was Eli. At least in february I didn't feel like I couldn't talk to anyone about it. At least in february I had a distraction -
I hate feeling like I'm gossiping about this
I'm not gossiping. I'm just worried about my friend. If she wants to know who's starting rumours and I know exactly who it is, then it'd be wrong to not tell her (and call out the girl who's starting the rumours because f--- you hatecrimechristiangirlie you can screw up my self worth but not Kay's, especially when you know everything she's going through since SHE'S YOUR FRIEND TOO) -
I'm sick to my stomach, good god
Today was supposed to be fun -
The friend group is falling apart because Kay and Lex are fighting over a rumor and picking sides over it, and me and Miguire both know for a fact who started the rumor
We're not telling anyone for a few days because Kay and Lex are both on the verge of going to a mental hospital, and we're scared that telling them will be the final nail in the coffin (especially since she's Kay's literal best friend and they refused to believe me when i suggested it was her who started the rumor) -
Friends are worse than bullies. At least bullies you don't trust with your secrets
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It's so weird having genuinely nice friends
Because my friend group we all care about each other, but in the mean but caring way (and we're also so used to people in the friend group being at their mental limit that we don't really notice when something's actually seriously wrong anymore (unless is a February/Kay and Lex situation)) but Jo and Sid and Ethan genuinely care.
Jo told me they were worried about me because of how much I was fidgeting. No one notices those teeny tiny details except for them istg -
We're decorating for Christmas today
I'm not too upset because we're not doing the tree yet (the tree is a December thing. Everything else is fine, but don't ruin the tree tradition) -
At least we have a good reason for it honestly- like I'd much rather decorate early and have mom be excited about it than decorate in December and have her too tired from chemo treatment to help out
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