Fire in the Dark
Thread Topic: Fire in the Dark
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i'm tired of people assuming my gender. i'm tired of them fake complementing me and acting like my friends.
i may be a manipulative person, but i'm never going to fake being your friend. not really. -
this is horrid. i know people dislike me for being different, but i'd rather be different than a f**king midwestern pushover kid.
i am genderless. i am pansexual. i am from the east. i do have mental disorders. i am from an abusive home. i do talk differnet. i do love the dream smp. i am very different and i like it. i did dye my hair. i did cut iit shorter like a boy's. i know what i've done... -
i have ptsd....
of course... -
RIPTIDE
I was scared of dentists and the dark
I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations
Oh, all my friends are turning green
You're the magician's assistant in their dream
Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh, ah-ahh-ah-ah
And they come unstuck
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
There's this movie that I think you'll like
This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City
This cowboy's running from himself
And she's been living on the highest shelf
Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh, ah-ahh-oh
And they come unstuck
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can't have it, I can't have it any other way
I swear she's destined for the screen
Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
Oh lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
Oh lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
Yeah, I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong
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I don't know why, but all sad songs are comforting as of now.
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i'm not that scared kid from nh
no, but i am scarred, beaten, broken
i'm nothing -
i'm about to start sobbing again. i feel so worthless, so horrid, such a burden to blizz. i always dump my baggage on blizz and it's really starting to hurt me. i cling to them. how many times did i sob my eyes out until i fell asleep when i lost them the first time? what happens when one of us has to leave again? i'm gonna lose it...
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i won't be able to take it. i won't be able to handle it. i'm getting to the point where my pain is so sharp and stabbing that i wanna just end it. cut the thread and stop the pain. i want a normal family. i want my brother. i want my sister. i want my dad. i want to wake up to three steady knocks and phoebe's little voice calling my name. i want to give them snacks and play with them. i want to spend time with my dad, and go on kill days with him. i want to have a relationship with him.
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i want ran. i want them back. they're the real reason, them and blizz, are the reasons i couldn't commit in new hampshire. they're the reasons i couldn't commit out here. but what happens when i can no longer bear the pain? when i'm done? when i want it all to end? i don't want this pain. i want it to end. that's all...
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if there's a god, i pray that this pain will leave. i pray for it.
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i know it never will. i know this pain will never get better. i know i'll suffer. there is no relief for me, ever. i always f**k up, always lose people because of my own mistakes. i burden people, i bother them, i dump s**t they don't need on them.
blizz has enough to deal with. they don't need me to hurt them or burden them with s---. i'm sorry i do. i should just leave them be. i should just stop.... -
i'm done. i'm tired of being a burden and dumping my s**t on people. i'm sick of it.
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i'm tired of adding this s**t to blizz's day, to anyone's day. i'm glad i started hiding my posts. people needn't worry. unless they click on my profile and see this horrid bombardment of emotion and terror.
i'm sick of this. i'm tired of being uncontrollable and a burden. -
i just need to find a different obsession. i need to let go. i need to stop being like this.
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my head hurts....
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