Dark Little Corner of the World
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 12, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Dark Little Corner of the World
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So, I have dark humor. Everyone knows it. You say something isn't funny, and it'll just make me laugh harder. I can't help it. But, the other day, my brother said I have serious issues. No, he didn't SAY that, he SHOUTED that. It was death-related, yes, and I couldn't help but to laugh. I don't know what it is that makes me do it, but I did it. I have the worst sense of humor. I tend to laugh at the darker things in life, despite whether or not it's normally considered funny.
Maybe something is wrong with me. -
And then, there's the thing with my parents. Their talk is downright abusive, the way they say so much against LGBTQ+. I don't even understand why they can't go a day without saying something spiteful. I'm worried that the way I keep reacting will out me, really. Every time they say something, I shrink away or storm off somewhere, and again, I can't help it. I don't feel safe, so what am I supposed to do? They expect me to sit through it or comment on it like everyone else. If I be the one oddball and say "That's not nice", they're going to start punishing me for their suspicions about me. And everyone's noticing how I get especially quiet about it or hide altogether.
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Meanwhile, I feel delirious, still, from the heat. I can't think straight, I can't focus. Everything's got me on edge. I just want to move, but I'll have to move into another house with my family if I move any time soon. And I get anxious about that. I don't want to live with them anymore. I just don't, and the more I think about moving again, the more it worries me that I'll be stuck again. I just don't want to do this.
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I can't calm down. No matter where I go, what I do, I always feel like something's going to hurt me or scare me. My neighbors have been harrassing me again, and the house's faulty wiring keeps setting off the alarms. I've developed a really horrible fear of d*ing in my sleep for not waking up when there's an actual emergency.
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I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling so much lately. :(
As far as “having something wrong with you” I’ve actually read that people with a dark sense of humor tend to have a higher intelligence and have greater emotional stability, as being able to see bad things in a lighter way requires processing complex layers of information and distancing yourself emotionally. (I can send you some links on that if you want.) Of course it would be kind of mean to mock other peoples’ pain or stuff like that, but simply finding something amusing doesn’t make you a bad person. -
When you mentioned having trouble focusing and feeling delirious from the heat, did you mean the stress from your home life or literal heat? (Just trying to think of things that may help)
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Literal heat. The AC's been out for a while, now.
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Ugh that must be awful. :(
Overheating is the worst, messing with your body, mind, making everything so much harder, especially when you already have a lot to deal with. I wish I knew of a quick fix to help you feel better, but there’s not much without ac. (Have you tried wetting a washcloth with cold water and putting it on the back of your neck and under your knees? It may sound dumb, but that always helped me feel a lot better)
How are you doing today?
As far as never feeling safe, is there a particular reason/things happening to make you feel this way or is it more of an instinct thing? (Worried bout u <3 ) Has your family decided on moving or not?
(Not trying to be nosy, just wondering cuz I care) -
I'm not moving. We can't afford it.
My level of stress has escalated to trigger migraines and anorexia. I'm a little scared, right now, but I'm doing my best to stay calm and eat more even if I've lost my appetite.
I think it's something that was conditioned into me to become scared when I'm around my family, even before acknowledging that I wasn't straight and knowing that'd be a problem for them. I'm always out of place when I'm with them, and they expect so much out of me; whatever I do is always wrong, and everyone jumps on me for making an "inappropriate joke" or talking about something they wouldn't or being okay with something the rest of the family's worked up about.
When I'm nervous, my natural response is to act like a jack--- to break the ice and make a familiar setting for myself, but when they shoot me down for joking and trying to steady myself that way, I just get really anxious and I feel out of place. I feel like I'm a problem--a mistake that never should have been. -
Hey, you are NOT a mistake. I've seen you around GTQ and you seem like a very kind and lovely person! I really hope your moving situation gets better for you 💛
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I'm doing so badly. I probably looked like a psychopath the way I've been breaking down at the drop of a pen. I can't even listen to the radio anymore because everytime I hear a song, I remember it came out in a year I actually enjoyed, and then I wonder why my life can't be the way it used to, or it's a song about someone passing away. It's too sad.
I cry in the floor and pull at my hair and wish I didn't exist. It just hurts too much, these days. Why am I still here?
And I'm so lonely but tired of my family. Even just seeing them makes me feel like I'm trapped here with people I don't even like. And why can't I feel at peace whenever they're around? I'd rather be out walking around the store because every time I come back home, I feel like I'm returning to hell on earth. -
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
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I'm tired of me.
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I don't think it matters anymore...
I'm cursed.
I am a curse.
I hate this.
I'm tired of me.
It makes me angry and tired to be me.
I hate everything. -
I'm always a mess. Just an ugly mess.
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