Dark Little Corner of the World
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 12, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Dark Little Corner of the World
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...Just my luck, I'll be out of time before they return.
And I hear my mom. I wonder if she's going to come up again. -
Part of me can almost feel relief, but most of me is just scared to death. I know they're going to lose it if I leave. They assume that I want to stay with them, but how can I tell them otherwise when they don't listen to when I say they're contributing to my pain?
They only hear what they want to, which is a que for me that I need to find someone who will listen and actually take action.
It isn't wrong to separate from the things or people that cause problems, is it? -
Hey, how are you doing? 💛
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Not doing too well.
I just can't handle it for too much longer. I don't know why I've held this in all my life but there's nothing between me and my parents but strife and fake smiles. I pretend to be okay, and they know this, but when I express that I really need their help, they get so annoyed and they shame me for not being well.
And now, it's just problem on top of problem. I'm TRYING to be a responsible adult, but they won't give me the means to take care of my own business. Like, they tell me to make an appointment for soemthing, knowing I don't have a phone, but they get so annoyed when I have to beg them to let me use theirs. -
How can I try to take care of myself when you guys act like I'm too stupid to do anything? You act like I'm going to blow the house up if I use the oven without you standing over me. And you tell me everything all over again like I've never used it. It's shameful, it's degrading, it's spitting on my intelligence and undermining me to do this, but you never see it that way, and you don't listen when I try to tell you what it is. So I pretend it's all good between us, but it's really not. I'm tired of you treating me like s--- all the time. And you're so passive about it that nobody else seems to notice.
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I'm just scared and anxious. Nights really are the hardest. I don't know if I'm getting enough in me. I can't even tell anymore. I constantly feel hungry at night, but I feel like I'll throw up if I even think about food, despite being hungry as heck. My body's sick of doing what it needs to. It has no interest in anything, and that's a scary thing to know.
Then, there's PTSD from the alarm incident. That's still bothering me. I'm afraid to go into a deep sleep because I'm scared the alarms will go off, and no one's taking this as a serious fear; they just laugh at me for being scared or tell me to get over it.. -
So, last night, my mom came barging in my room after I went to bed asking if I did something I clearly didn't. She was questioning me like crazy, and I kept saying "no". I can't take anything anymore. I just want....
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I'm scared. I'm scared, okay. And I can't stress it enough, and I can't rest enough, and I can't make sense of anything and I feel like I'm just spiraling on the inside and looking just fine on the outside.
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I’m always here
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Thank you.
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Your welcome.
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My mind feels like tangled string, right now, and I'm just hoping that I can get an update on the situation. I haven't heard from Roux, yet, but maybe soon? I'm really hoping I'll hear something before I have to leave today, because I really don't know when I'll be back. It's kind of stressful. And I'm just worried: what if asking for help WASN'T the right thing to do?
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My parents have always made out like I'm being selfish whenever I express my needs, but they tell me I shouldn't hesitate to tell them when I need something.
Like, I started feeling ill around my mother's birthday. She claimed I was making a scene because I was jealous that it wasn't her birthday. And now, with my dad's coming up, what'll happen? -
I kind of just have half a mind to run away right now. But I couldn't get far.
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I could use a therapy cat...for real.
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