Dark Little Corner of the World
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 12, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Dark Little Corner of the World
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I’m hoping you will hear from them soon. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you
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I need healthier coping mechanisms, too. But, what? I even get tired of doing those.
I feel like I'm a prisoner in my mind and to their words. And it's like no one notices. I have to do what they want and everything's perfect for them, but what about me? How long are you going to blow me off? You don't do it to the rest of your children. Why did you decide to hate me?
You started when I grew independent. You started when I didn't want to be your pretty little princess who lived in a pretty pink hell. You started when I played with whatever I wanted and pretended to be whatever I wanted and I wouldn't wear dresses and wouldn't play tea party and wouldn't have "girl time".
I feel so sick when they try to play this game with me. They do things as if they're shoving it down my throat. All the way down to what color bath towels I'm allowed to use, they shove it down my throat and I can't breathe anymore. -
Oh, thanks, but I'd rather you just take care of you. Don't worry about me.
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Worrying about other people is what I do.
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I could guess, and it's hard for people not to worry about others; that's what I'm like, myself.
I'm running out of time, and I know it. This is really stressful, but I left some more info for Road and Roux. Hopefully it'll be enough for them to figure it out without my input. And I'll just have to keep a lookout for someone. -
I’m hoping things will go as planned.
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So, I've been having anxiety attacks at night. Like, it's a ritual to cry and be gripped with pain for an hour after lying down. And I was so anxious, last night, I told my parents that my heartbeat was irregular for 2 1/2 hours. It eventually went back to normal, but I was afraid I would have heart failure or something.
And my mom's been talking to her egoistic dad, listnening to his s---. And like father like daughter. I wish she'd stop crying to me and forcing me to listen to all the mean things he says about her because she turns around and does the same crap to me. It's hard for me to care when she does that, and it only makes me grievet that I'm both of their descendent. -
It's actually just the wrost thing to see that my mom could go through so much and swear she'd never be like her parents, but then she acts just like them in every possible way. And when someone tries to correct her, she promises she's not doing anything wrong.
I've given up on trying to argue with her. I don't have it in me. -
I don't know what to do anymore. It just hurts and I can't even stand being around them anymore. Just listening to them talk makes my head hurt. My mom's always wanting me to tell her she's a good mother; she's always telling me how she's poured her heart out and she's been mistreated. I don't belittle it, but....
Then, everyone else is just so eager to tell me their problems because I'm quiet and listen, but it's a burden to hear and think on all of it. -
I hate this part of me. I hate being vulnerable. I hate feeling so alike to someone. I hate understanding almost perfectly. I hate feeling myself falling even after I've established I can't. I f---ing hate everything about me. And it's always towards the people I know will never be with me. And it's always at the worst times where I know I shouldn't fall. And it's always me feeling this way. And it's always me making a mess of things. And it's always stupid how I never learn from the last time.
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I hate myself so much.
Why can't I just be a normal person?
Why did any of this have to happen?
Why is my brain so f---ed up that I can't even think straight to have casual conversations?
You've been avoiding people all day.
They think you're being a jerk because you don't talk to them. But I get tired of seeing my family, so how often do I have to talk to them?
But must I find it so hard to do so?
Why? -
I'm always lonely af.
But then, I don't like people getting too close to me. -
I feel ashamed that I broke. Every time I think I'm strong, I find that I'm not even close to it.
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I feel like I really need to cry. I can't figure this out and the harder I try the stupider I feel. I realize there's so much my parents never told me in order to take care of myself, but I can't just do nothing like they do. I need to figure this out and I'm wrecking my brain over everything. Whether I do something or not, I'm still a hot mess over it. I need help and this isn't working. I need to stay calm but I get so worried about what I can do and how I can do it. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard and on extremely borrowed time.
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*hugs* Hey, you are good enough for anyone worth hanging around. I hope you're okay 💛
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