Welcome To My Mind: Where All Hell Brakes Loose
- Locked by mcqueen on May 3, '21 6:44amReason: Owners request.
Thread Topic: Welcome To My Mind: Where All Hell Brakes Loose
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You never understood me
And I don’t think you ever will
You tell me that you love me
But you can’t even tell
That I’m breaking inside
That I’m slowly degrading
I always seem perfect
But really I’m faking
I try to be happy
But I always fail
My progress on it
Seems slower than a snail
It’s been getting worse
And you don’t notice at all
It’s been getting to my head
It’s been there since last fall
It’s been haunting me daily
And stalking my nights
Taking over my fears
My dreads
My frights
I feel so small
Insignificant; that’s all
I am
I’m nothing more
I can’t
Take this force
That weighs down on my shoulders
That lingers over my head
That will never leave me alone
You are loved
Don’t forget
That they love you
Don’t sweat
You are cared for
You are cherished
You are comforted
Don’t perish
Never forget
That you are loved
You are loved...
No
Stop lying to me
I’m alone
I won’t forget that
I’m useless and I know
I’m ignored
And I’ve lived with it
I’ve tried to be liked, but I don’t know...
You’ll never understand me
You might never even know
But that’s ok
You don’t have to
I can deal with this on my own
I can fight my inner demons
I can stand up to my Devil
I can tear down my self-doubt
If I just try to keep a level
Head...
...Right? -
Here we go
My mom started talking to me just a bit ago
She told me that most LGBTQ+ people leave the church
And she told me that I don’t have to be one of those people
She wants me to stay and teach the people in out church how to love LGBTQ+ people like they’re supposed to and everything like that
I know she means well
But she has no idea how Audi that makes me feel
Because now I have this big weight on my shoulders again
She expects something of me
But I can’t help her with that
Because I don’t know how
And now I feel terrible
Because I don’t know how to help
But she needs me to help
I’m so terrible
I’m not helping
Why am I like this?
I’m just useless -
I’m pathetic
Why can’t I help? -
Little do you know
How I'm breakin' while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm tryin' to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind -
I feel sick
-
June
June get online
June please
I need to talk to you
I need your help -
heonlythinksofyouasasister
sostopgettinghungupoverhim -
And there's the other thing...
I hate people sometimes
I go to the church youth activity last night and we're filling out forms for girl's camp. 'Cool,' I say. Then they say that to go to girl's camp we have to be interviewed by one of the local leaders. Ok. I go into the interview andd he asks me, "Do you support any doctrine, groups, or teachings that go against the teachings of the church? That includes things like same-sex attraction." That made me stop. I ended up being brave enough to tell him I was bisexual, and do you know what he said to me? "You're still so young. I think that you should wait until you're older- at least 18, until you decide anything. Because your brain isn't mature right now, and you don't know what you're thinking."
Yeah.
Once the interview was over I went straight to a bathroom stall and started crying. -
He really has to learn his place.
Because it's NOT his place to tell me how I think and how I feel
It's actually no one's place besides mine -
Little do you know
How I'm breakin' while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm tryin' to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time -
I wonder if he’ll ever get back on...
Maybe if it’s this hard to hold on to him
I should just let him go
...but if he does come back one day
And I’ve moved on
How would he feel..? -
It’s been 42 days since things started going downhill
And it’s been about two weeks since I’ve seen him
My heart isn’t sure about anything anymore
It just wants love
But it can’t get it from him right now
I’m not dating I wanna date anyone else right now
I don’t even like anyone else right now
But
Maybe I should just move on...
...but that would hurt him, wouldn’t it? -
*I’m not saying
-
I'm here for you. <3
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<3 ty Epsi
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