Welcome To My Mind: Where All Hell Brakes Loose
- Locked by mcqueen on May 3, '21 6:44amReason: Owners request.
Thread Topic: Welcome To My Mind: Where All Hell Brakes Loose
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Being at a church activity just reminds me of how much of a mistake I am
I didn’t ask to be this way
I don’t want to be a mistake
But obviously how I am is a mistake -
That’s why I keep it a secret
Because I know that I’ll be rejected
I never really had any friends here
But I’ve never been rejected
They’re two different things -
The thing I thought was beautiful will reject me if I come out
-
Your true colors are beautiful
Beautiful
Beautiful
Ha
I doesn’t look like it to everyone else isn’t this stupid religion -
*In this
-
Trying to feel comfortable here but it’s much too hard
I’ll just act ordinary -
So...
For years now, we’ve all noticed that I’ve sort of been turning into a mini-version of my older sister. I was cool with it I guess
Then a little bit ago, my mom pointed out to me the fact that I’ve been near her for so long that I’ve been(without even realizing it) copying my sister, and her personality, and how she acts, what she likes, everything. She said that we’re actually very different people, but I’ve been copying her.
So it seems that for the past few years, I haven’t been who I actually am. I’ve... been my sister.
If I’ve been copying my sister for the past few years, then who the FÜCK am I
Now I don’t know
For so long, I’ve always believed and stood by the fact that this is who I am. But apparently, it’s not who I actually am
For the past few years, I’ve been nothing but my sister
...so who am I? -
Everything I like- fake
My preference of clothing- not my actual preference
My personality- not my own
The fücking words that come of my mouth- not my words -
... I’m just my sister
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Someone tell me what I should do... please... I Song know what to do...
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*don’t know what to do
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Ok
So
I don’t think all I was was my sister anymore
I do think that we were a lot alike
But I’m noticing the ways that we were different
I’m still feeling a bit, weird, idk
It took a toll on me so I still have the after affect
And I also have the ‘coming out’ issue
But all I know rn is that I pretty much resolved that problem
I think -
I don't even know how to come out
I don't even know if I should
When I was younger I would have never thought that this would happen -
I don’t wanna go wrong
But I don’t wanna step back
All I really wanna do is find my track
I just wanna fit in
I don’t wanna stand out
Is it wrong to wanna be liked?
Or is that what life’s about?
Sitting on the floor
Hands resting on my core
I’m dizzy
The world is spinning
Round and round
I’m not confident no more
Not like I was when I was young
I have the need to just blend in
Oh, won’t you tell me if I’m wrong? -
The girl sat on her couch. She sunk down into the old cushion, her laptop resting still on her lap. She was writing; she didn't know what she was writing just yet, though. She was writing freestyle; whatever came into her head, she wrote. On the outside, she seemed fine. Her family had no knowledge of the hurricane of pain that wrecked her from the inside.
Inside she was crying
Inside she was weak
From the outside, she was normal
She was nowhere near a freak
She never showed her feelings
Her emotions
Her heart
So by default, she broke
But still refused to show
To start
Talking.
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