Another Venting Thing
Thread Topic: Another Venting Thing
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No one cares that I’m gonna kill myself. It’s like being suicidal isn’t real until someone’s died
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I just really have to go through with it. Don’t come at me with the “everything will get better”
Listen mother f---er, I’ve waited an entire year for things to get better -
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Alright
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At first, this school year was a joke to me. I believed that this was temporary and that I would be in Texas by the next year.
Since then, I’ve been trying to find out who my friends are, who I don’t like, who I like. But I go to school every week-day, and see bad people.
I see kids who take drugs meant for their parents, I see girls who don’t value education, I see the people from third grade who I had tried to forget.
I am so miserable here, and I hate my life to pieces. I understand that I’m fortunate to have a roof over my head, and to go to a good school. But the academics don’t make a school - the people do. The people here make me miserable. I’ve been wanting to die since day one, and that’s not fair.
I hate my situation so much that I’ve just gotta end it.
I moved to Texas when I was in lower school. I came from an all-girls school. I had barely ever talked to a boy, and I didn’t understand how unhappy I was at my old school.
Then, I met the best people that I’ve ever known. I went through three grades with those people, and felt such a strong connection by that last year. I had finally found the people that loved me, despite being socially awkward that first year. They pulled me out of a place where I couldn’t even talk to other people without being scared of rejection.
They made me the person that I am, and I love them so much for it. I went to school everyday, every party or event, and felt proud to be with my friends. Not only did I feel loved and proud, but confident and happy.
Going back to how I saw my classmates- I saw people who were kind and funny. They weren’t bullies, they were just happy people living their best life.
By last year, I had tons of friends. They were genuine friends too, who had my back and didn’t leave me for better things. I was not only proud of how far I’d come, but also of how far my classmates had. From class to class, I bonded with people. We formed connections that moved beyond being “school friends”.
Last year, around this time, I was told by my dad that my parents were going to love us back to Maryland. I was distraught and completely heartbroken. They told me that I’d go back to my old school, exactly what I didn’t want.
Still being somewhat of a chicken, I just begged them not to go. I never came up with legitimate reasons on why I needed to stay. I didn’t, and still don’t want my parents to see me as anything more than their little kid. That’s why I couldn’t give them good answers. I entirely blame myself for not stopping the move. Despite crying every night and feeling absolutely broken, my parents didn’t reconsider their decision. While I know that I could’ve convinced them to rethink the move, I also place some of the blame on them. They were the ones that made me feel like I couldn’t talk to them when things were wrong. They don’t say anything, but they knew what moving would do to me. They knew I’d dealt with suicidal thoughts beforehand, and that my classmates at school were the leading factor for why I had stayed alive. Some part of them knew, and it was something they should’ve listened to. -
I know I can't do anything to make you feel better but I am sending my love your way ❤
I can't imagine how hard all that must be on you. I hope you know that at the very least there are people here who really care about you and want to see you be happy. -
Thank you so much
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Yk I’m so excited for TBB season two. Star Wars is always gonna be my favorite franchise
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Ok but it’s gotta hurry up bc I need it to come out rn
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I miss them
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It wasn’t supposed to happen and I just wanna go back to Texas
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God I’ve been wishing for so long
Don’t you think it’s time to go back -
I feel like marvel was created for entertainment
And Star Wars was created to tell a story -
I want them to come over because they’re the only people here that remind me of Texas
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Fireworks
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