Another Venting Thing
Thread Topic: Another Venting Thing
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My stomach hurts so badly and I acc feel like I’m abt to barf
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When someone calls u cute but u prefer being called amazing
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Real quick
Could I just talk about the fact that I can’t even help myself. Like I asked a guy to ft over snap and he goes, “What does that mean I’m a dumb---”
I’m acc so pissed off at myself for being in a crappy mood today
But I said “Yeah no s---”
And I think I’ve just ruined my life bc this sucks -
I miss her so much. I couldn’t tell someone how much I miss her, because no one would believe how great she was. Yes, she wasn’t everyone’s favorite person. But she was my best friend, and I know I won’t ever find someone like her. Not here, not anywhere else.
The thing that’s weird is how badly I want to cry to her right now. Not in a creepy kind of way, but I just wanna tell her how awful things have been without being able to talk to her everyday.
People won’t believe me when I say how amazing she is. She’s everything I could need in a friend. She would never push my boundaries, she’d always take me under her wing, and she has just been the reason that I’ve been able to view the world in a positive way.
She wasn’t quiet, wasn’t loud. Wasn’t crazy, wasn’t chill.
Everything wrong that happened just three hours ago wouldn’t have happened if she were here. We wouldn’t have walked into that cemetery, wouldn’t have started walking with three weird guys, wouldn’t have strayed into what’s the most dangerous part of this city.
She would have told me, “Rebecca, we should walk home. I don’t like this.”
But that didn’t happen. We walked into the cemetery, started walking with three weird guys, and walked right into the dangerous part of town.
I had a feeling that we shouldn’t have walked that way, and I kept saying, “Can we go home? I don’t like this.”
I was met with, “It’s fine.”
If Alex were here, she would have agreed with me, and we would have gone back to my house.
We were supposed to walk my little sister and her friends around, going trick-or-treating. I wanted to do it. I wanted to walk them through the nice areas and just watch over them. I’m not childish, I’m not lazy, I just wanted to have a nice Halloween. -
But things aren’t nice, things aren’t right, and no one believes me.
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He said that he’d been faking sick for two weeks.
I thought it was normal at first but then I was like, “Hold on, wouldn’t he miss his friends?”
And I’m worried now because I don’t think he’d want to skip school because then he’d miss his friends. Everyone talks about missing school and stuff, but no one ever really does because there’s too much that they’d miss out on.
So I can’t help but feel like something happened at school, or that he’s upset about something.
He also used to send face snaps, but now it’s just a shoulder pic and I’ve noticed that he’s basically just spending time in his basement.
I really hope that he’s okay, because he’s really thoughtful and he wouldn’t deserve whatever he’s going through. -
I don’t know if I’m in a place where he feels like he can talk to me when he’s not feeling the best. I would ask him if he was alright if I felt that I was in a position where I could actually do that.
Ig if I feel more strongly abt it tmrw then I’ll try to talk -
I wish I could restart my life bc it’s turned into a flaming pile of horses---
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it's been a year but im getting worse like the fact that im not gonna be in high school soon is just all so overwhelming and I think about everything that I haven't ever done and it's too much
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and idc if it's stupid but why are there movies about teenage love bc haha lol there's none of that
like yes I've had moments but why does everybody else get to be happy and why does it feel like everyone has somebody who sticks with them -
And I don't
every time i meet a guy i feel like i have to act like im stupid, boring, and like i don't care about anything
and i feel like i can't talk about what i love or what i love to do or what i want to do in the future
but why do people just want a body and not a person to talk to -
And I want things in life
I don't want to rely on a guy because i know that I don't need to rely on a guy. But then it's like this stupid pressure to be a dumb girl because you'll chase off guys if you're anything more than that
but I can't even love somebody like that if im faking everything abt myself
and this isn't in an emo way but I don't want to pretend like I don't have baggage and stuff. Like yes I talk a lot, yes I have a personality, yes I have aspirations, yes i get too attached, yes maybe that's difficult for somebody to love but why is there no one who wants me for anything more than surface level stuff -
I don't want to act like how I'm expected to act. I don't want to depend on a guy, I wanna do something impactful, and I don't just wanna be a stay at home mom who's stuck at home with five annoying babies. Like I don't want that, I've never wanted that, and no shame to people that do- but I genuinely never see myself refusing to take opportunities because a guy wants me to.
Like if I want something, then I'm gonna do it. And I can't even imagine not feeling complete by the end of my life
So like yes and no i really want somebody to love me like that -
Love ain’t everything, I can tell ya that
I mean… Yes it kind of is, but at the same time it’s not. Sure maybe the world revolves around “love” but really what kind of love is it? I feel like people worry too much about romance these days that they don’t even learn to love themselves first. I think that’s the most important anyway. It’s just so weird to see kids dating and stuff in my opinion. I just wonder why they care so much. Why are they rushing things? Idk if it’s like societal pressure or like gender roles/social norms but it’s still weird to me. I see lots of people who are like “Oh yeah I want to be married by the time I’m 25, have kids by 30” but I have never understood why people have to plan out their life like that. If I want to get married by 25, then I feel rushed to meet someone.. and you don’t want to rush yourself into meeting someone because I feel like the right person will come at the right time and who knows?? They might not be the right person forever. I am definitely just blabbering at this point though… so uh yeah
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