Mood
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 17, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: Mood
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But, I don't know. Maybe I should tell him. It'd be a common curtesy, but then again, Idk...
I don't even know what I can do without ticking him off. -
I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
And that's only if I ever did. -
It's like PTSD whenever I think about it.
I don't want it to be this way, but I did say that I'd already been traumatized. I just didn't know I'd be this bad, now. -
I feel like I know what going to happen, and in that case, I'm just sitting on the edge, waiting to be rejected and get it over with.
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Maybe everyone is right about me.
I'm just a hoe with no life and no chance of ever finding true love.
I somehow mess it up every chance I get. Whether it be by doing something later on, or just the initially voicing of loving someone being a mistake in itself.
It doesn't matter if I believe that my feelings are real and more than desire.
It just never goes well.
I don't deserve anyone. -
Is there something wrong with me?!
Why am I so unlovable?
It's because I'm ugly, isn't it?
Or maybe all my quirks and hard to cope with traits. -
I don't want it to be this way.
But it seems that what I want, I can't have. -
My heart physically hurts...
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I feel like I only live to be tormented.
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And every time I hurt, I begin to shake with anxiety. I freeze in fear, and it feels like I'm trapped in a nightmare, begging on the inside for it to end.
I don't know how to express that in words, usually, but again--I'm not talking, and as these are my raw emotions, it's easier for me to just do this as I feel them.
But this is what happens, and my parents don't even understand that I'm really not playing. They call it me being a baby.
If that's not true trauma, then I don't know what is! -
How can anyone live if life itself is traumatizing? Just the sheer thought of waking up tomorrow leaves me trembling every time.
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I'm only alive because it seems I'm forced to live.
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In all honesty, sometimes the thought of suicide sounds so comforting. But I could never bring myself to it. Maybe not even for people, but for being such a chicken to harm myself in any way.
It just hurts so much, and I know everyone says "suicide's not the answer".
But anything that's typically the answer isn't allowed to be the answer for me.
My parents abuse every aspect of what it means to be Christian, and that might be my biggest reason as to why I'm reconsidering what I am.
Also, no matter what the situation, I always seem to struggle more and more each day, and I can't name a single thing that God has given an outcome that didn't result in more pain.
Like, what the f--- did I do to deserve all that?! -
Please...just let it end.
I don't care how it ends. Just let it end. -
The thought of being alive for the people in my life is one-sided because I'm always being used by them. So why would I want to live just to be their doormat? No matter how much I think I love them, I shouldn't have to be alive just for that.
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