Mood
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 17, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: Mood
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I don't really have any good ways to cope with pain, I often just shy away. Even if no one meant to hurt me, it's what happens every time. I don't know if I can handle people anymore, so I try to hide, now.
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People scare me. I'm afraid to interact, and every time something happens, I have a harder time trusting that I'll recover.
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I don't really know how to take this, now. It feels like too much. And even if I'm not here, it happens irl everyday.
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And why is it so hard to respect people? Obviously I don't act this way because I love giving you a hard time.
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Please stop treating me this way. It's not something I choose to be. I don't plot ways to make you stress over the fact that I don't speak. It's more of a can't, and you should know that by now.
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Like, why do you all purposefully do this to me? What have I done to you? You know everything that makes it hard for me, and you deliberately do it.
Why? -
And all I can do every time something disturbs me is cry.
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But they like to see that, it would seem, because they yell at me until I do, and they guilt me for being me, and they gain the satisfaction of "showing who's boss" when I break down and cry. They wave their authority in my face, and basically say that they're always right.
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If I keep hiding my posts, I might go unnoticed. Someone might just think it's Geek, so that's good.
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My mind feels so broken, I don't know if I can words today.
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Like, literally everything bad traumatizes me, now.
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Every off encounter, every time someone yells at me, every time someone breaks my trust...
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Welp, there goes that. We forgot to hide it.
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I haven't told him that I switched Quotev accounts, nor have I told him that I won't be on next week. I'm debating whether I should or just leave it.
Is it even relevant to do so anymore?
I might not say anything.
I want to tell him stuff, but I don't know what I can say that wouldn't be triggering, now.
I think I'll just not. -
Well, I've done a message on it. No detective needed to figure as much, so...no.
I will not say anything.
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