butt baby
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: butt baby
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I have trouble even explaining them when it comes to actually talking, my mind just freezes. And it becomes physically hard to talk.
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I don't know if my body and mind just have a disconnect or something, but it's like my mind I can be screaming and having a literal temper tantrum. But physically, I look super calm and am as quiet as a mouse.
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Sometimes I think I need therapy twice a week but I don't think I'm that severe enough to take up two slots in a week for my therapist. I mean, she has to have patients 100× in a worse position.
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I also just feel people don't talk about my flaws enough and because of that, I feel I have to be perfect around everyone. Or maybe they're afraid of me. And not knowing what things people think is wrong with me makes it so much harder for me to show flaws because I feel they don't expect me to have them
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But there are certain words that trigger strong reactions in me, that are seen as flaws so if those words pop up, it makes me 100% worse and I'd rather not know.
So it's a double edged sword. -
I just feel the need to know what people think of me constantly, and I know that's not a way to live, but I can't help it.
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But my biggest things lately have been having to do with sympathy and validation
And I hate being so needy that my mind has to jump to doing really bad things just to get the feeling that I might get either sympathy/validation -
Like if I didn't have the ability to totally internalize everything, I can't imagine what horrid impulses I'd act on. It's kinda scary, but at the same time, I think actions speak so much louder than words. I never act, so people depend on my words.
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And sometimes I wish I could show rather than tell. Because does telling really mean anything when you can't show?
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And I sometimes try to get better but-
Part of me just doesn't vibe with that. It's like that with everything. There's always a part of me that's against it. -
Everyone else has moved on, but I just can't.
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Why do I ruin literally everything for myself
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Like I cant out the really toxic person in my life when I'm the really toxic person in my life
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No vent just bored and have no one to talk to
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Heyo friend :D
What's up?
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