lol...gotta read these jokes!
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:15pm
Thread Topic: lol...gotta read these jokes!
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xDDD
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lol rofl lmfao.... xD
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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted. -
AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
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lol
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said.
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation."Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you, if you have a 10 inch tool."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!" -
A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.
He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"
The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes."
"OK."
The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.
He says,"Ahh,that feels good!"
Then he sticks his dick in the second hole,"Ahh,that feels even better!"
Then he sticks his dick in the third hole,"OUCH!!My dick!!"He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep. The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, "You stuck your dick in the three holes didn't you?"
He said, "Yeah, how did you know? "
The man at the counter said, "Well, my wife is pregnant,my daughter is pregnant, and my pencil sharpener is broken. -
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"
"Im sorry," The girl tells him. "We cant allow animals in the cinema."
The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the film.
Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, dont worry about it...youve seen one, youve seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this ones eating my POPCORN!!" -
Ever heard of the one about 'Mr. Smiley'? xD
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xDDD HAHAHAHAHA!!!
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lol rofl lmfao.... xD
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There was this little girl who
went to take a shower with her
dad, so her dad told her "What
ever you do, dont look up."
While they were in the shower
his daughter looked up and
said. "Daddy? whats that?" So
her dad said "Thats Mr. Smiley
Face."
So later that night it was
raining and thundering so she
went to go lay down in bed
with her dad and asked him if
she could play with Mr. Smiley
Face. Her dad said NO and
went to sleep.
The next morning he wakes up
in the hospital and asks his
daughter, "What happened?" She
said, "I was playing with Mr.
Smiley Face and he spat on me
so I cut him off." -
xDDD ROFLMAO
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ROFLMAO.. hahahahahahaha ROFLMAO
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lol hahahaa!! lol rofl!! xD
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I can't believe it! That little girl Lorena Bobbitted her daddy! xDDD
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